The Shayna Files

Cool Article for Parents....

2012-01-25T14:08:00.001-07:00

I found this cool article for parents on this website called iMom..(thanks to Pintrest)

http://imom.com/parenting/tweens/parenting/training/21-creative-consequences/

It's about different consequences you can give for your kids' inappropriate behavior. Pretty cool stuff!

Enjoy!

A Heart Like His

2012-01-15T18:17:00.000-07:00

I believe...

That life is to be enjoyed each day, because as we find joy in each day, we are showing the Lord gratitude for what He has given to us.

That we experience greater joy by serving others and by having a grateful and humble heart, by looking for His hand in our lives every day, and by recognizing His love through the kindness of others.

That the Savior can change our hearts to become more like His, and as we do that, we are able to experience more happiness and joy than we can ever imagine.

Happy Sunday!!

I'm so tempted to cut my hair....

2012-01-13T14:28:00.000-07:00

Ok this post has nothing to do about hair, but I was just thinking that as I typed in a title.

Anyways, I am in California visiting family :) It's been a bit of a whirlwind visit, at least at first. Peter came with me for the first few days, since he has never been to San Francisco before and we've been dating so I thought it would be good for my family to meet him. He met my mom first, and she gave him mighty encouragement...lol....then he met my dad briefly on our way to Ceres, where he spent the day with my Aunt, Uncle, Cousins, and Grandparents. He loved the feeling in that home. He said it feels like his own home :) I've always felt a beautiful spirit in that home.

After leaving Ceres, we went back to my dad's house for a day and a half. We toured a bit of San Francisco, including Chinatown (where Peter haggled with one of the salesmen at the store to get a cheaper wallet! And he talked him down by 70 cents haha...I had no idea how pushy their salesmen are! And Peter did great trying ;) It was pretty cool to watch I must say. ) and the Golden Gate Bridge (of course. A must stop if you are going to San Fran.). Liz showed us a bit of Fort Funston and drove around some of the city. I'm always awed about the beauty of the architecture in that city. We passed this Catholic church and as I peered beyond the gate to the center courtyard, I felt like I was looking at the convent that Maria stayed at in The Sound of Music. So cool :) You don't see stuff like that in Utah.

I would post REAL pictures but....of course I left my camera in the rental car...DANG IT!! Thank goodness Peter found it before he turned the car in, but now I am left without a camera.

I did get an IPOD for Christmas, and dang that thing can do anything! I can check the internet, take pictures, listen to music, play games...etc etc etc...everything accept make a phone call! I almost feel guilty owning it!! It's like filthy dirty lucre! lol! I've never had one before and suddenly I feel like, "how did I ever live without this thing??" But I really don't want to get all caught up in having one, or get distracted from the world around me by having one either.

Anyway there you have it! Now I'm just hanging out with my sister while my mom is at work. She's not feeling well today so we are watching Beauty and the Beast :) Love it!

The Big Travel Day of Craziness! :)

2012-01-07T08:19:00.000-07:00

So the weather in Provo has been absolutely GORGEOUS the last couple of weeks! We are talking 60 degrees every day! It feels like Spring!! It's been so wonderful!! :) I'm so happy again!

Well, today is the big flight, and the schedule is SO tight because I have to work today. So basically we have an hour to get to the airport, then once we get there, we have to BOOK it. It takes about an hour to get there, so it's going to be a tight squeeze.

..well, when I woke up this morning,....DUN DUN DUN.........

Oh, crap. What am I supposed to do??? last time it snowed, it took me 3 hours to get to the airport. 3 HOURS. And the flight leaves at 4:50. I'm just grateful my work is letting me off early!! :) I think this is what I get for running around like a crazy person....the Lord is trying to make me slow down. I guess I ought to be grateful. And it is, in fact, quite pretty, I will have to admit :)

Now, to figure out how to not be locking up my BRAKES every time I get in the snow.....I dont think that is normal with ABS brakes, but it happened.....haha...SCARY! :) Good to know that my car does that I guess....

Going Home Tomorrow!

2012-01-06T21:08:00.000-07:00

......and I am soooo happy, so so so so happy!

I'm also really stressed out! ha! I have so much to do and so little time to do it in...and I haven't even met the new sisters that just moved into our Relief Society. I met one tonight...but there are about 9 others!

Anyways, at my work there is this great quote posted--it's on this motivational-type poster, and sometimes I think they are kind of cheesy, but this one really gets me every time:

"Be content with what you have,
rejoice in the way things are.

When you realize there is nothing lacking,
the whole world belongs to you."

--Lao-Tzu

Smile :) have a good day!

3 months of catching up...;)

2012-01-02T11:15:00.000-07:00

Well, the holidays are officially over....

And this is what has been happening the last few months! (I know, I know. I've been bad at getting ANYTHING done lately.)

Our apartment was in charge of treats after ward prayer, so these are pictures of people hanging out...

This is my cute roommate Ashley!

Mid-December, we had a girls' night out at gardner village in Salt Lake. I LOVED that place! So many cute ideas for home decor!

And this is my other cute roommate Lisa. She saw this lady with a dog, and asked to hold the dog! It was hilarious, because it kept flailing its legs all over the place and its whole body was freaking out....

OK so Advent calendars like this (with the little chocolates inside of them) have special meaning to me! My dad has this co-worker from Holland that gave me one each year, and I would cherish every day I could open it up and eat a chocolate! Oh the simple joys of life. ;)

OK. 1. I loved this bedset. and 2. I REALLY loved the quote plaque idea....How easy would that be to make! seriously. All you need is a piece of wood, some paint, and maybe a stencil sheet. And bam..instead of spending 20-30 bucks on each one, you can make them for very cheap.

They had these drawings for prizes in the store--and everyone had to scatter and find a "moon walk" number and stand on it....sadly, I didn't win haha...but this lady won some gift wrap that was maybe 5 bucks, and she had been standing on her square for half an hour...and she was so excited. Way uber excited. It was pretty funny seeing her reaction. (actually I didn't see it, but my friends told me about it!)

And this is our ward choir practicing for the Christmas performance! It was pretty fun having so much beautiful music in our apartment :)

Ashley does such a great job planning Enrichment activities! I love it! She's so dedicated to the gospel, such a Christ-like disciple. She's everyone's best friend. I hope I can be more like her someday, so I am working on it :)

The Modesty Panel...we asked these guys if they would be truthful and tell us what affects them when girls wear certain things. We also asked them what they liked to see, and it seemed like they really liked modest girls the most, even though they were visually attracted more to the girls who were not modest. They said that immodest girls are fun to look at, but not fun to keep.

Ashley taught us how to dress for our body-type. THAT was fun too! It's always good to get advice on how to look better...

Erin and Jon. Erin is my other cute roommate. And Jon is her fiancee :) Here they are eating pasta...Jon's favorite. haha

Our ward rented out this place up in Spanish Fork (?) (I forgot what it's called..haha) It was really homey, and they even got food from Chuck O'Rama. Delicious.

Christmas Morning! Peter came over and made omelettes, and then we opened presents :) T'was pretty fun. The day was the first day we spent all day together--and we realized how different it felt..

Peter made me this jewelry box with stuff from Hobby lobby--clever! He said he remembered when I said that if someone made me something like that that I would cherish it forever. So he did it..he even snuck in my room (sneaky) and stole my varnish so he could make it.

We went shooting the day after Christmas. It was super busy. Peter brought a lot of targets, and we made some as well.

RIP baby minnie mouse....

The End. For now.

Its Time to Get Political!

2011-12-13T09:57:00.000-07:00

Tis the season...to pick the candidates that will represent our party! Party, party, friday friday....

Anyways, I'm a little bit torn. I lean more towards the republican side. I'm torn between Romney and Ron Paul. Peter is all about Romney...and our Relief Society Advisor is all about Ron Paul--she says he truly stands up for the constitution and no other candidates do that. She also stated that Romney was Pro-Choice and pushed that in one of the states he served in. If our Church is all about being pro-life, then how can I believe that he will stand up for good principles, even if he is LDS?

So, who do YOU think will be a good president??

:)

Thankful For...

2011-11-24T10:17:00.000-07:00

Well considering today is Thanksgiving, I think its a good time to think of things I myself am thankful for. I decided for the month of November to write down ten things I was thankful for for that day each day in my journal. This lasted about 4 days....hahaha(got a little bit distracted and not as much journaling has been going on since a boy has entered my life..haha...I'm trying to do better though!) So I think I will make another one...albeit is definitely NOT complete!

Family
Friends
The Gospel of Jesus Christ (Truth!) and the Restoration of the truth back on the earth that was lost after the death of the Apostles.
Sunshine
Summertime
Spring
the Scriptures
A car that runs
A roof over my head
A heater
Warm bed to sleep in
A job (and I even get out at 3...its great. It makes me get up early too...which I think is good for me!)
A body that can move and breathe and eat and that works pretty well for the most part!
A head of hair (PS my aunt that has lung cancer is in remission as of this week! YESS!!!)
The Temple. Oh how much I love the temple!!
Good books!
A chance to live in this country where we have everything we need for the most part, and don't live in fear of our lives
Cell phones (how would we get along without them!!)
Texting
Good movies
Entertainment
Facebook
Computers...everywhere!
Hot running water! (oh come on, you all know at least once you didn't have hot water for one reason or another! Isn't it fantastic when we have it???)
My mother and father
The Gift of the Holy Ghost
The Atonement of Jesus Christ, without which we would not experience any real joy in this life I dont think!
A washing machine...even if it isn't IN my apartment....at least there is one nearby...and at least I have been able to pay to use it!
Neighboors!
Coworkers..the people at USH are so friendly!
Cool websites like Pintrest...
A swimming pool!
Education
BYU
Running shoes :)
....Shoes...
Cookies (especially pumpkin chocolate chip)
MUSIC!!! (it can seriously turn my entire mood around!)
Quotes from Sister Hinckley
Toilet Paper (can you imagine the alternative?) and feminine products..I dont know how the pioneers did it. Gross.
The ability to read and write.
Medical supplies (thank you medical world! You save so many lives!)
....
I could go on forever! Happy Thanksgiving everyone!!!

Dating Can Be a Challenge!

2011-11-22T08:25:00.001-07:00

So, as many of you know, or maybe you don't know, I'm dating a mister Peter Decker. This has been going on for about 3 months now. I NEVER EVER expected to be dating him. Ever. lol. And yet I'm going to meet his family on Thanksgiving....eek! I've already met his brother and sister-in-law, and his oldest sister and her family. I'm coming to enjoy all of our game nights at his brother's house. They are pretty hilarious when you get them together....

Peter treats me really well. And this is why I like him. He's a kind person....despite his intermittent annoyances with certain people--and occassionally his annoyances with just people in general. He has a quirky sense of humor--and just the other day I was asking myself why on earth I am dating a guy who is getting distracted by listening to all the ogre and troll belching noises from some video game called Starcraft or whatever....lol...but he's very kind to me. Even if I am rude to him or critical. He's kind.

That brings me to another point. Me and Peter are both similar and very different. For example, we are both pretty stubborn. I'm not so sure this is a good thing. Haha! For another thing, we both value education and being prepared for the future. We both value intimacy in relationships (I mean, emotional intimacy...cuddling isn't so bad either :) We both come from families we love (accept his isn't all divorced and all over the place--his parents are still happily married and his siblings are happily married from what I understand...) We both like to work out and stay healthy, both want a happy family, both love the gospel...we also have both worked in facilities with troubled youth. He got his degree in Psychology, I got mine in marriage, family, and human development. So we are similary interested in people. We are also both pretty frugal--I think he may even be more frugal than me! (I admit I've loosened up quite a bit in this arena in the last couple of years) We also both moved around a lot as kids. And we work through our problems pretty well I think.

We are different in sooo many ways though as well, and this causes quite a bit of conflict between us. For example, just on Sunday, there were tons of things going on as usual. Lots of gatherings of people--ward prayer, meetings, a party after ward prayer for a sister in our ward..I wanted to go to all of them and mingle with all the people. I feel like I get socially starved during the week. Though I really enjoy my time with Peter, I really enjoy my time with other people as well. Peter, on the other hand, is more of a small-crowd person. He prefers the intimacy of one-on-one interaction or just being with close friends. He figures, I have my girl, so what is the point in interacting with all of those OTHER people that he isn't close to, and who frankly annoy him? This causes a conflict mostly because our inherent belief of why we socialize in this gospel is different. (ex: I think that we all have a responsibility to be a friend to everyone, especially at this time in our life when there are many lonely people around us who can very easily slip off the gospel path. and Im thinking we shouldn't get so annoyed with people but find things to love about them...and he's thinking, we are supposed to be focused on our family, not everyone else) We also have a very different sense of humor. He laughs at things that I think are not all that funny.....and when I tell my sarcastic jokes like "I hope you have an AWFUL day!" he calls me a jerk. haha So I get mad at him for getting so annoyed with people..and I get frusterated sometimes at how we look at things so differently (which comes from the way we were both raised I imagine). He's super nice to me and I, well, I feel like I tend to be more critical. Maybe this comes from fears? I laugh at the things that are difficult....he withdraws and feels depressed. I want to live in California, he wants Missouri. I like music that makes me want to dance, he likes music that matches his mood or that is a little more serious (and that kind of music gets me down sometimes). I am a dreamer and idealist, he is definitely not. haha. I want to play in the rain and laugh through life, and he's focused on the more serious things. (I'm not sure playing in the rain would be very fun for him...lol) He's timley and efficient and to the point, and sometimes can come across as being hard nosed and wanting to be in charge of everything. I'm like, lets enjoy the moment!

But he's so sweet! And all the people in my ward just tell me that he's "so nice". I don't even ask their opinion. They just tell me. :)

I guess this is why dating is stressful sometimes...but I imagine no matter who you date or marry, you will have differences. Trying to take two people who come from different families, backgrounds, cultures (even though we are both American, our family cultures are different) and blend them into one requires a lot of personal changing. I might have to start laughing at those troll farts (oh...forgive me...OGRE..) oh man...and I might have to start enjoying video games (which I feel suck out my brain cells) and maybe even learn to play chess (yes, my friends, he says chess is one of his passions....I guess it could be worse ;) haha) and if I marry him I'll have to get used to snoring (one of my pet peeves) lol.....

but what can I say? we are both stubborn....I just hope and pray that we can figure out a way to blend all of this together....lol!

Have an AWFUL day! ;)

Another note on holidays....

2011-11-11T13:26:00.000-07:00

So did anyone hear that a ton of retailers are opening their doors now at midnight of Thanksgiving night (for the Black Friday fiesta)? I'm not so sure how I feel about this. Part of me says, well sweet, I don't have to get up at 4am! Yet...the lines will be crazy, which means you probably have to leave early, like around 10, and MY family is usually still hanging out around that time. So it seems like retailers are kind of messing with our family time during the holidays. Of course, we don't HAVE to go shopping, but you know what it will look like just a few hours after you get started--everything will get picked clean!

Our world is really becoming so commercialized and focused on STUFF :( Sad!

Halloween is Over!

2011-11-11T13:15:00.000-07:00

Well, halloween is officially over! (ok I know this post is a little late.....)

Anyways, it is now time to move into the HOLIDAYS!! Yesss!!!! Not Christmas quite yet....come on people...haha....

But when I think of Christmas I think of cheerfulness and joy. I think these are very wonderful qualities to cultimate in oneself. There is a proverb that my grandma had on her wall that said "A merry heart maketh a cheerful countenance." When I think about it, some of my favorite people in my life have been those who have been full of cheer. They buey me up and give me strength to enjoy my life! My sister Courtney is one example of a cheerful person. My Grandma June. My mom at times. Some of my best friends. :)

Where does cheer come from? Well, from the mouth of Shayna, it seems like cheer comes from someone who actively seeks the good around them. They are full of gratitude and humility and see things from an optimistic perspective. They think, "How can I make someone's life great today??!" They see the good in everyone around them. (or at least they try to...) It exudes in their very countenance. It comes from several personal decisions to think of good things. When I meet the Lord face to face, I would like to think that He will be a cheerful person.

Anyways, that is my thought for the day! Let us be cheerful! :)

So...ready, set, SMILE!

Yay the Troops are Coming Back!

2011-10-25T07:53:00.000-06:00

I saw this article in the Washington Post this morning:

http://apps.washingtonpost.com/national/fallen/

It shows each individual soldier that has fallen in the Iraq/Afghanistan war that has been going for so many years

I was moved deeply when looking at this list, because many of my brother's close buddies are on it. These are real guys with real lives! Thank you each for your sacrifice, and may we all make choices to keep our lives free and happy!

Stewart Falls and Cornbellys

2011-10-17T21:33:00.000-06:00

Cornbelly's...Actually its just one picture lol. I didn't like the way the others turned out...

And..dun dun dun...Stewart Falls..Wow talk about a beautiful hike! I was so invigorated by all those beautiful colors...I LOVE being in Heavenly Father's creations.

Peter: Now look MAD!!

Peter got some pretty good shots from the car...this is up towards Aspen grove in case anyone is wondering :)

Fall is in the Air!

2011-10-10T22:21:00.000-06:00

So Peter asks me what kinds of things I want to do.....I had this huge list of Fall activities that I thought would be fun...and a lot of them included Apples! So....we made caramel apples, CANNED applesauce (I've never canned anything before so Peter showed me how...)...and soon we will also make an apple pie. Yes! Yumm!!

OHOP with Christian! (Yes, you heard that right! Original House of Pancakes in SLC. It wasn't bad!)

And my favorite....Pumpkin Chocolate Chip Cookies! Yessss!!! We made this batch that ended up giving us about 40 cookies! Yikes! It was great though, we just delivered them to a bunch of people!

Chocolate and Dead Bodies

2011-09-29T16:01:00.000-06:00

It is Thursday, which means it is almost Friday (aka payday) Yess!! And then it is almost the weekend!!

I am absolutely loving this time of year. I thought I would hate Fall, I could feel my negative ninny trying to burst out, but instead of hating it, I decided I would focus on the fact that Fall in Utah is gorgeous. Secondly I decided to start getting ready for Christmas so that I would have something fun to look forward to when the weather DOES start to get colder. Right now its just perfect for driving with the windows down. :)

One wonderful thing about today is:

Have you ever tried Lindt chocolate? Oh man, its really, really good. One day I was visiting my dad and he broke me off a piece of a 70% cocoa Lindt dark chocolate bar. That means with the higher percentage of cocoa that it is a lot richer and has more of a bitter flavor. But it also means it tastes fantastic...AND it is a lot better for you. Chocolate itself is actually good for you. It's all the stuff they put in it that makes it not so healthy. And guess what...I found the same exact kind of chocolate at Macy's the other day! Yesss! So here's to chocolate! :)

And secondly,

I got one of these bad boys, and am loving every minute of having a dead man's arm hanging out of my trunk! (that isn't my car...but I'll put up pictures soon..)

MFHD Nerdiness Coming Out!

2011-09-20T10:21:00.003-06:00

Hey all! So I was remembering some of the stuff I learned in MFHD the other day, and this particular concept came to my mind: the 4 horsemen of the apocalypse by Gottman. Basically, these are 4 very dangerous things to do in a relationship, and if you are in a relationship it is very important to look at yourself, and at your partner, and if these behaviors are happening, figure out how to fix them! Because they will ultimately destroy your relationship. Not to get preachy because by all means I struggle sometimes!

I found this article online and I would like to paste it in here...keep in mind that I didn't write this :) no plaguarizing (sp?) here!:

The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse
Based on John Gottman's, PhD, Relationship Research
Adapted from his book "The Seven Principles for Making a Marriage Work"

by Gudrun Zomerland, MFT

Dr. John Gottman can predict with 96% accuracy within the first three minutes of a couple having a conversation whether the relationship he is watching will survive over the long-haul or not. He bases his predictions on four potentially destructive communication styles and coping mechanisms: (1) harsh startup, (2) the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse, (3) flooding, and (4) body language. In this synopsis I will focus on the Four Horsemen.

The Four Horsemen are a metaphor depicting the end of times in the New Testament. They describe conquest, war, hunger, and death respectively. Dr. Gottman uses this metaphor to describe communication styles that can predict the end of a relationship.

The first horseman in a relationship is criticism. Criticizing our partner is different than offering a critique or having a complaint. The latter two are about specific issues, whereas the former attacks our partner at the core. In effect, we are dismantling his or her whole being when we criticize.

Example: "I was scared when you were running late and didn't call me. I thought we had agreed that we would do that for each other" is a complaint. "You never think about how your behavior is affecting other people. I don't believe you are that forgetful; you just don't think about me" is a criticism.

The second horseman is contempt. When we communicate from this state, we are being mean, treating others with disrespect by using sarcasm, ridicule, name-calling, and/or body language such as eye-rolling. The partner feels despised and worthless. Contempt is toxic and cannot be replaced with anything. It must be eliminated.

Example: "I've been with the kids all day, running around like mad to keep this house going and all you do, when you come home from work, is to flop down on that sofa and become a couch potato. You are just about the sorriest excuse for a husband I can think of."

The third horseman is defensiveness. This is an easy one to fall into. We feel accused of something and think that, if we tell our partner our excuse for doing what we did, he or she will back off. But the excuse just tells our partner that we haven't considered anything he or she has said. Basically, by defending ourselves we are ignoring our partner.

Example: She: "Did you call Betty and Ralph to let them know that we are not coming tonight as you said this morning you would?" He: "I was just too darn busy today. As a matter of fact you knew how busy my schedule was. Why didn't you just do it?" He not only responds defensively but turns the table and makes it her fault. A nondefensive response would have been: "Oooops, I forgot. I should have asked you this morning to do it because I knew my day would be packed. Let me call them right now."

The fourth horseman is stonewalling. When we stonewall, we avoid conflict either because we are unconscious of our own feelings or because we are afraid. Rather than confronting the issues (usually they tend to accumulate) with our partner, we make evasive maneuvers such as tuning out, turning away, being busy or engaging in obsessive behaviors. We simply stop engaging in the business of relating to another person.
Note:

My experience as couples counselor for the past 16 years has validated what Dr. Gottman's research has shown. When all four horsemen are active and alive in a relationship, it is most likely too late to turn it around. I believe when the latter two, defensiveness and stonewalling are present, your relationship has a chance to survive if you seek outside help such as couples counseling. In order to change the first two horsemen, criticism and contempt, the person who engages in them really needs individual counseling because the attack on another person's worth usually stems from childhood wounds such as parental criticism, shaming, belittling or excessive demands. Feel free to call me for a free 20-minute phone consultation or to set up a regular appointment.

Visit Dr. Gottman's website at http://www.gottman.com/marriage.
"The Seven Principles for Making a Marriage Work" is available at Amazon.com.
article taken from : http://www.chinnstreetcounseling.com/zomerland/zomerland_8.shtml

Anyways, like I said, oh my goodness I do these things all the time! I do have an old roommate who did this a TON to her now husband when he was trying to date her. But now they have such a great relationship....so maybe it relates more to a marriage relationship than when you are dating and trying to figure each other out. However, I am certain that its very rarely good to do these things...gulp...I guess this is why repentance and forgiveness are also needed to make a relationship work.

Courtney, California, Roommates oh haaayyy!

2011-09-19T13:56:00.005-06:00

Yeah, yeah. It's been awhile..I know! But it's only because its been such a busy month!

1. Courtney came to visit me for 2 weeks before we both left for California. River came with her! I just love this little baby!! We gave her whip cream for the first time..I just love the faces she makes! ha!

"Hmm...ooohhh...this is kind of GOOD!"

Then the happy grunting began! Until we wiped it off her face and she started screaming...

Haha! Best face ever....Courtney: "Shayna, Look at these Granny Pants!" River: "What the CRAP!"

2. CALIFORNIA! I got to see my brother for the first time in 3 years. He's a Marine stationed up in North Carolina and has been to Afghanistan twice. And they won't send him back again! Thank goodness! Way too many close calls! His wife, Rosa, is moving in with my mom for the last year of his service, then he will be coming back to California.

Rosa and Ryan's dogs..they are big!!

I was stalking my mom and sister at Target....My mom hurt her knee and has to use a walker, so we call her Walker Texas Ranger..A Walker to Remember...A Walker in the Clouds...that old lady is probably thinking, "oh haaayyy...I'm like 40 years older than you and still kickin it, baby"

Siblings all together again for the first time in 5 years!!

Grandpa...

And this would be Taco, the dog that mysteriously showed up at my aunt's house and has been a fun little blessing to have around :)

Uncle Buddy, my grandma's brother from Ohio, was also here to visit! He bought these PJ's at walmart and got a huge kick out of em. Ha..bunch of goofballs, my family is! I love em!!

Danielle's hair is getting SUPER LONG!!!

This can was carried around by my grandma's dad for YEARS. He would put his hot drinks in it and it would keep them hot all day. Don't worry, it was just a silver can when he used it...haha

And this is the Zimpel fam! Plus 2 nurses. I grew up with them and lived with them for a few years. I love these guys!!

Dirtbiking is so fun for EVERYone! :)

Yah, I was totally raiding the pictures from back in the day ;) this reminds me that 1. again, we've all been goofballs from the start. and 2. my dad never changes from the amazing dad that he is :) (he was probably making my bed because it was a horrible mess, and probably trying to teach me how to make it right...obviously I wasn't listening....)

3. Roommates...

Late night usuals....why we pick the hall to hang out I have no clue. Ha i have the funniest and best roommates ever!!

Erin is HOT.

Need Prayers! :)

2011-08-20T23:33:00.000-06:00

Hey all! My cousin, Christamae, and her family are down in Disneyland having some fun. Unfortunately, this morning, before all their party started for the day, they tried waking her up and she did not wake up. She is breathing but completely unconscious and has been like this all day.

Here is her blog: http://www.caringbridge.org/ca/oellacz/

She has a really extreme form of Muscular Dystrophy, and the doctors can't figure out what is going in, so prayers would be very welcome :) She is stuck at a hospital that has never seen her before....she practically lives at UCSF, so its always scary when the doctors don't know you, especially when your health is that precarious. :(

Thanks! :) <3, Shayna

Free Fingernail Paintings!

2011-08-17T17:18:00.005-06:00

Yes, you heard it! Once in a lifetime opportunity! You can get your fingernails painted for FREE on the Children's unit at Utah State Hospital!

;)

Aren't they LOVELY??!!

"That is the letter 'T'"--KL

It's been quite a ball of fun the last few days ;)

First off, Davi's party pictures....I actually didn't get any pictures of people before my camera died...oops...

By the end of the night, John had on a coconut bra. Ha...too funny! (you would think we were crazy Mormons..)

Then....the Hogle Zoo in Salt Lake on Monday!...we were pretty excited...

Let me introduce to you: Dallen, Jessica, and Shayna.

I told my sister I'd name an animal after her since she couldn't come...and so I picked this one! ;)

"Warning: Choking Hazard. Do not eat dry poop, may cause choking for children under 3."

I LOVE ELEPHANTS!!! LOVE THEM!!!

I like em big, I like em chunky

The golden idol....the hippo that is (thats the thing on the bottom..he he jk dallen)

Kid: "Look mom! Blueberries!"

Maybe I'll just use this one as an engagement picture one day.

And this would be Joel. We found him in the bird exhibit and took him home with us.

Dallen, Erich, Jess, and Joel

Oh, so smug!

Then, we stopped off at the "This is the Place" spot, where Brigham Young stopped, overlooked the Salt Lake valley, and knew this was where they needed to end their seemingly endless journey. Such courage, such faith, such persistence these pioneers had! And Salt Lake is one of the most thriving cities in the US :)

Everyone was pretty pooped on the way back!

This would be Erich. (up above)

Am I a slave?

2011-08-09T08:23:00.001-06:00

Do you ever think about the future and where you want to be and what kind of a person you want to be? I often think of these things, especially concerning what kind of wife and mother I want to be.

There is a phrase in my patriarchal blessing that I always thought was ludacris in some ways. Not to sound sacreligious, but I never thought it pertained to me. It says "avoid the enslavements of Satan". I've never had a problem with alcohol, drugs, pornography, or anything addictive (accept maybe sugar. ha) , so I never understood why that phrase was in there. But now that I am older and developing habits that I've realized have been there for awhile, I realize this can pertain to many other things besides sex, drugs, and rock and roll. For instance, how much time do I spend on the computer? Facebook? How often do I check my phone for texts? I check my gmail about 50 times a day in hopes that there is something new from someone. These things you wouldn't think are problems, but when you become so dependant on that high of getting attention from someone, or finding out something new about one of your friends (i.e. the gossip of facebook), how comfortable are you in saying that you have no addictions, or that you are not enslaved in some way? How often do you turn to the internet for entertaintment? And outside of the internet, maybe some people have this need to constantly be thrilled in life. I hate to say it, but family life was never a day-to-day thrill for me. It was more of a slow-moving stream. So when we get to that point where we have a family, is it going to be difficult to find joy in that famly every single day if it is nothing but the same old thing, especially if we are used to really high highs?

I used to be frusterated with my mom because she would get so distracted on either the internet or in a book. She would be gone. We would say, "Mom! Mom! Ryan is jumping off the roof again!" and not until he was hobbling in bloody would she jump up and freak out and wonder how he got to that point. I completely understand the need to escape, but how often do we let that interfere with life? Goodness, I am doing exactly the same thing that my mom used to do, and I don't even have kids! (Not to criticize my mom, I love her very much with all my heart!)

Anyway, these are just some thoughts. I guess I better look at my life a little bit deeper and figure out what things need to change in order to be a better wife and mother. Like, what sacrifices am I willing to make to get to that point? What am I willing to give up? Maybe I am addicted to the social life of being single, of having all the free time in the world, of music that pounds in the ears and makes you want to dance, of spending my money on no one but myself, on not having to plan things out or take in the needs and desires of others? I must say I really enjoy my quiet and clean bedroom and my "me" time. I enjoy not having to report to anyone or share ME--either time, efforts, or what is truly going on with how I'm doing or feeling. I don't LIKE being that way because I'm not happy--I am grateful my roommates help me out with that one. I'd like to think that once the right guy pursues, I will become this way--because why should I share my innermost self with just anyone when I'm not permanently attached? :) Maybe my expectations of life are not quite realistic. Not that its impossible to have fun once you are married, for goodness sake, if I'm not having fun then I'm not doing something right :) But MAYBE some of the things I do would make it difficult for my spouse to be happy--and for me to be happy too.

In all honesty, I am getting pretty tired and ready to just settle down and find that lasting joy in life. I guess this is why I'm thinking, Alright, what is stopping me? And what would make my husband's life and children's life awesome? I may as well keep working on improving so that when I get there I will be that much more ahead of the game, and my husband and children will be that much more happy. Of all things in life, this is one of my greatest desires, to have a blessedly happy, stable family.

For those of you who are married, I pose a question--What seem to be the most difficult things that you have had to face as a couple as far as personal habits go? (Besides serious personal sins...we don't need to get into that because we don't want to embarass anyone!)

I had a dream...

2011-08-06T16:49:00.001-06:00

I had a dream....

I went over to visit one of my friends. He had some other friends over as well, and they were chatting. His friend's infant was laying on the couch, and I thought he was cute so I picked him up.

The baby started TALKING to me! Talking baby. He said, "The awesome things are the little things."

I got the feeling that he was talking about marriage relationships. From the mouths of babes, they say! (maybe he was talking about himself! ;) haaa just kiddin.....get it...he was a little thing... )

Save Dallen's Face!

2011-07-28T12:38:00.000-06:00

Hey all...

So in case anyone else was looking for this event, I will repost it here:


	In case some of you didn't hear, Dallen smashed his face into a tree....lol.. but actually its very serious! :( He was swinging very fast from a pretty high platform, went crooked, and his body slammed into the tree. He fell limp, was knocked out, and can't remember 18 hours after what had happened. They said he was completely out of it for awhile, and apparently was responding to some things, but he doesn't remember any of it. Along with a concussion, a swollen ankle (looks broken to me), and a very painful shoulder, he crushed the bones around his eye socket, as well as smashing in his cheekbone. He went in for reconstructive surgery ..unfortunately he has no insurance!!! So his bill is going to be ridiculous, with having a hospital stay, as well as surgery from a specialist. So, he is asking for some help! If you would be willing to donate anything, you can try clicking on the link... Spread the word to anyone you know of that knows him! Here's how you do it online: TO DONATE TOWARD DALLEN'S MEDICAL COSTS, CLICK THE FOLLOWING and FOLLOW THE DIRECTIONS https://www.paypal.com/ Now, toward the top of the screen, click "Send money!" On the right side of the screen it says, SEND MONEY NOW. You're paying someone in the "UNITED STATES" Add the AMOUNT you'd like to donate and leave CURRENCY as USD (US Dollars) My Payment is for: FRIENDS AND FAMILY --Click Continue-- Add Dallen's emails address to pay his PayPal Account: dallenmjohnson@gmail.com Add your email address --Click Continue-- Add how you'd like to donate! It's as simple as that! :)

In case some of you didn't hear, Dallen smashed his face into a tree....lol..

but actually its very serious! :( He was swinging very fast from a pretty high platform, went crooked, and his body slammed into the tree. He fell limp, was knocked out, and can't remember 18 hours after what had happened. They said he was completely out of it for awhile, and apparently was responding to some things, but he doesn't remember any of it.

Along with a concussion, a swollen ankle (looks broken to me), and a very painful shoulder, he crushed the bones around his eye socket, as well as smashing in his cheekbone. He went in for reconstructive surgery ..unfortunately he has no insurance!!! So his bill is going to be ridiculous, with having a hospital stay, as well as surgery from a specialist.

So, he is asking for some help! If you would be willing to donate anything, you can try clicking on the link... Spread the word to anyone you know of that knows him!

Here's how you do it online:

TO DONATE TOWARD DALLEN'S MEDICAL COSTS, CLICK THE FOLLOWING and FOLLOW THE DIRECTIONS
https://www.paypal.com/

Now, toward the top of the screen, click "Send money!"

On the right side of the screen it says, SEND MONEY NOW.
You're paying someone in the "UNITED STATES"
Add the AMOUNT you'd like to donate and leave CURRENCY as USD (US Dollars)
My Payment is for: FRIENDS AND FAMILY
--Click Continue--

Add Dallen's emails address to pay his PayPal Account:
dallenmjohnson@gmail.com

Add your email address
--Click Continue--

Add how you'd like to donate! It's as simple as that! :)

Pictures of Summer...

2011-07-27T21:20:00.000-06:00

So first off, last week my roommate did my hair...and it came out ORANGE! hahaha! It has faded since, but its still kind of orange.....First thing she said was, "Wow, you look like a ROCKSTAR!"

Secondly, my friend Dallen got into a huge accident while rope swinging and broke a bunch of bones in his face! All around his eye socket and his cheekbone, totally crushed in....if you want to donate let me know and I will send you the info! (He has no insurance and had to have facial reconstructive surgery....) This is us going to visit him...I didn't even get any pictures of him!

And this is heather....

And this is Joshy...

And this is Joel-y.....

This was when one apartment made a telephone line with two cups and a string and stretched it across the complex! So fun....I've always wanted to see that actually done, and bam.

There was this cool guy at Utah Lake that volunteered to do a bunch of pictures of us--He even took our picture by his old car! So fun....we missed Ward Prayer, but it was a fun night and a nice bike ride to Utah Lake. :)

C.S. Lewis Says it Best....

2011-07-20T17:25:00.000-06:00

My friend said this to me and I just thought I'd share it for anyone out there, even though it is not Valentine's day :), it's a good reminder of what it means to love (it is Summer, right? No time like Summer for a little love!)

"To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket — safe, dark, motionless, airless — it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable.

The alternative to tragedy, or at least to the risk of tragedy, is damnation. The only place outside of Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers and perturbations of love is Hell."
C. S. Lewis

Answers to Prayer

2011-07-16T11:42:00.000-06:00

I just read this and wanted to share it, to anyone that may be struggling with this (for me it was more just trying to find answers to prayer, not necessarily questions on doctrine at this time...)

"How can I question without losing the Spirit? . . . All of us have questions at times in our lives on policies, procedures, or even principles. The best way to find the answers we seek is to search out the solution for ourselves.
"How do we go about it?
"First and foremost, it is our attitude, or how we ask the question, that is very, very important. If it is a demand, one loses the opportunity for an answer.
"Second, if we have strong feelings about the way something should be and are unwilling to listen, we may lose the opportunity to get an answer.
"One only has to remember when Martin Harris wanted to take home pages of the Book of Mormon translation to show to others. Joseph Smith prayed to the Lord a number of times to finally be allowed to let the man do it. The Lord knew that the pages would be lost. But sometimes we want something so much and keep praying about it that the Lord lets us do it for our learning experience.
"Sometimes we are drawn into seeking and giving answers that bring recognition or notoriety to 'our' thinking and to 'our' opinion. Don't look for signs or answers that build you up. Humility and submissiveness to God will always be fundamental in receiving direction from Him."
Robert D. Hales, Gifts of the Spirit, Ensign, Feb. 2002, 17–18

More Thinking. Cause That's what I do Best!

2011-07-15T21:12:00.001-06:00

Today I have come to the same realization that I oftentimes have to realize time and time again.

Do you ever have illusions of yourself in your mind of the kind of person you would like to be? Tall, gregarious, tan, world traveller, intensely passionate, yet perfectly practical--the kind of person everyone loves, and who loves everyone? Big, white, perfect teeth, with a smile that lights up the entire room....(you know, like Julia Roberts, mixed with Salma Hayek, and Jessica Alba, maybe with some sweet sass like Meg Ryan...forgive the celebrity references...Friendly, sweet, outgoing, sincere, assertive, and confident.

I myself have these illusions...not that it's wrong, per se, to have desires to become something breathtakingly perfect....but I have to admit...I mean...I'm BARELY 5'3, I'm definitely white (not passionately Latin, sorry to generalize..but I'm talking about the image of those girls mixed together here...and something exotic comes to mind...not white and sunburned...)...always felt like the awkward kid on the playground (yes, I walked around the flower beds in 3rd grade picking apart the leaves and thinking how cool all the veins looked...while letting the snails crawl all over me. I was a weirdo. No wonder I had a group of maybe 3 friends who were all just like me, and all of us got made fun of...hmm.....)

I have ordered 2 books in the last week! 2! What would I do with my time if I had all the time in the world? Probably go for a walk and read a book. I would clean my house, probably reorganize something. Id enjoy a quiet evening with my family in front of the TV. Or joking around...maybe sitting out on the porch or eating junk food. (thats the best.) But we are all nerds so other people might find our jokes kind of quirky...so when I get into the world outside, well...back to the book. ;)

The trouble with all of this is that I typically LIKE the guys who are more outgoing and confidant than I. Yet, they tell you that you marry someone like yourself. I don't want someone as boring as I am!! NO!! I REFUSE!!! ....but I feel so awkward around guys that are more outgoing than I am. Why? Because I feel this pressure to be the outgoing, happy, flirty, kind of a thing. There's always this internal battle. Because that person really is in there, but she only comes out occassionally...

So, whoever you are future husband, I hope you can deal with my back and forth personality. I really hope so. Just so you know, my heart is very steady...though I may be a little bit chameleon-like in my personality. Some may say this is because I have a "gemini rising" (according to my step-mom...but probably not complete truth. ;) ) ("the twins"--often perceived as having 2 sides of their personality, and the rising sign is how people perceive you. There is your astrology lesson for the day.)

Basically, I am not the girl I imagine would be the perfect kind of girl. And that is a struggle for me...which is silly because I know deep down I can be that person. What is lacking..maybe confidence. But the Lord gave me other characteristics, and I suppose I can be of use with those. :) Now its learning how to accept that and move forward so I CAN become more of who I want to become. :) I just hope I find a guy that compliments that...and can also deal with the quirkiness, and my quietness, and my zoning out because sometimes I just can't handle all this . ;)

Catching the Wild Beast

2011-07-09T18:47:00.002-06:00

Isn't this little guy cute? Don't you want to hold him in his arms and take him home with you? And squeeze him and love him (I mean, minus the rabies and eye infections and potential claw marks across your face...)

What would you do if you saw this bundle of fluff, and love and affection overwhelmed your senses to the point of doing drastic things? Well, let's start with feeding the creature. We all have this urge to catch wild things, or lure them to us, especially to feed them. It's like a sport...can we feed the wild beast right out of our hands? If we can, we are Mighty Hunter. The Trusted One.

To catch a squirrel, grabbing it and squeezing it and shoving the crust of your sandwich into its mouth is not a good idea (if you can actually catch a wild squirrel like that, you deserve a purple heart.). What if it's not even hungry? And what if it's mother got squeezed to death before its very eyes? I can't imagine that going over so willfully....so instinctively, we usually drop a piece in front of us--several feet in front-- and sit very, very still. We wait. Silently. Breathing ever so quietly.

The squirrel may or may not come any closer. Let's say, in this case, it does....

Fluffy looks around, looks at you, looks at the food. Takes about 2 steps forward. (If you flinch at this point it runs madly through the bushes.) It stops. It takes another couple of steps...

It comes a LITTLE closer. Then it RUNS towards the bread, grabs it, and either devours it, or runs away with it in its grasp...

If you want it to come back, you don't grab at it madly. You probably keep dropping crumbs until it trusts you enough...and eventually, probably after several tries, maybe even after several days, the squirrel finally feels it can eat out of your hands.

Now, imagine this in dating...

You see that person....the affection overwhelms you....

Get it? Just a thought. Ha! Nothing scares people away like being grabbed at, either physically or emotionally. Amen and amen. (And that is your lesson on how to catch girls.)

I Hate Making Decisions.

2011-07-06T16:56:00.000-06:00

Well, the time has come to decide if I am moving back to California or staying in Provo. Here is my dilemma...I would be moving back home to save money on grad school. (It's way cheaper out there, and I may be able to work for my aunt in the very house I'd be living in during whatever hours I can.) However, in moving back home, that means 1. More time with the family (not complaining there) and 2. Less time socializing which means...I won't have much of a life. Given that I am 27 years old, I am both ready to start a new life (aka, a real one with my own real family) and tired, oh so tired, of being in Provo on my own. HOWEVER....I really, really, have come to love being in Provo. ??? What??? I know...I did NOT like it here for the longest time. But I have come to appreciate the friendliness, the social life, the sunshine in the Spring and Summer, and yes, even the snow in the Winter. I LOVE the mountains. I Love that I am 5 minutes from the temple, that I get to work at the temple, that I have my OWN apartment with my own space...

But I am not progressing. I feel like I am kind of stuck here. My grandparents are getting older and older, my cousins sicker and sicker, my sister just had a baby...and I am playing at the pool every day, leisurely hanging out with friends, getting fanned with banana leaves (ok not really...)...and what for? With all of this debate going on in my head, I did not sign a contract at my current place, because I didn't want to get stuck with a contract if I was going to move out. I got a text yesterday from my roommate, and they SOLD MY CONTRACT! And there are NO available spots left. I put my name back on the waiting list, but I keep thinking, do I really want to stay here another year? Well, over the last couple of months, my ward has improved a TON. I have felt the Lord wringing me out like a wet rag with this calling....probably something I need....so I'm learning a lot, finally...after feeling like I'm not progressing (of course maybe I'm really not progressing here, just realizing how dense and prideful I am...). And I really am tired of my own pride and want to let myself actually date someone....yep I admit it....but I mostly just don't trust my own ability to pick out a good man-catch...so I just don't....

SIGH....OH this is hard!! I just want to curl up in a ball and let the Lord push me where I need to go. Please?? Just this once!

Blah bitty blah blah

2011-07-04T22:02:00.001-06:00

Do you ever feel just kind of blah? like you would rather sit inside and read a book? I find myself getting into these funks that last a few weeks and have to drag myself out to socialize....and I'm sure everyone can see it. I dont know how to get over it, its so annoying...and it's pretty normal for me to get like that....I just don't like that part of myself I guess :)

But, anyways, ;) It's the 4th of July and Im hanging out in my apartment..haha...sad huh!! I didn't know what anyone was really up to accept going to SLC to watch the lights. Unfortunately, I have to get up at 530 for work so this didn't sound like the best idea for me... :( lame o!! I totally would have otherwise. But I did call my mom and talk to her about boys (when it rains, it poors!! Man alive! ha) and family stuff. I just love em! River has started smiling really big and she is SO CUTE!

I did go to see Brad Paisley this weekend! It was SO AWESOME!!! I will say it was strange hearing some of those lyrics in the BYU stadium...I've never even thought of his music as being inappropriate at ALL...but for some reason, in that stadium, I was extra sensitive to it. The show was awesome though, the lights were huge and breathtaking and in-your-face (no one got injured this time though ;) )...SO Amazing!!

This is the only time you will see so much red in this stadium ;)

David Archuletta also came. I got his picture but we were literally sitting so high up that I could have touched the scoreboard, so the picture was very blurry when I zoomed in. My roommate sang in the Fire Choir. I just can't get over how great the show was!!

My ward has also been extremely active. It's amazing what happens in the Summer out here! People have all this pent up energy that they have to let out, so there is something happening every night, literally. (Too bad I don't know what it is tonight...) I feel this overwhelming burden that I am just not good enough for this calling, maybe that is where this funk is coming from. Though we have a very active ward, we have about 15 less actives and about 20 that never come to activities....(actually probably more like 40)....and the Elders are doing GREAT! The sisters are slipping through the cracks like no other. I am aware of their names, but I don't know much about them. I'm trying (like, I will knock on their doors and visit..if they are there!...but there are so many!) , and I don't want to be that annoying Relief Society President, so I try to send out visiting teachers, and we assign people from Ward Counsel also, and we divide them up amongst the RS Counselors as well. I just feel like the Lord is wringing me like a wet rag and showing me all of my imperfections....I used to be so confident in my callings. Not this one! All of a sudden my frailties are extremely visible....and I'm sure some of the girls don't like me...sigh..it's easy to give advice to people in this situation, but not easy when you are in it! haha!

What would the world be like without babies??

2011-06-15T16:42:00.001-06:00

I gained 5 pounds while at home. Yeah, what the heck??!!! (Don't worry, I'm not pregnant....blog title to be addressed further down.....) Oh wait, maybe it was all those oreo's, and chips, and CRAP laying around at home that I could not stop EATING....mixed with a bunch of sitting in front of the TV!! Bad combination....now its all sunny and warm outside and I'm not so sure I want to get in my swimsuit..

Anyway, going home was a real treat. I got to meet my new niece, River, and play with my sisters, and break up some great fights, and go to a Giant's game (Wahoo! Go Giants!...lame that we lost...and that we got RAINED on....) and see a Broadway play called, you may have heard of it, "Mary Poppins", in Sacramento. Oh, and I started applying to a grad school in California close to my aunt's house. Everything just fell into place! I swear! I emailed someone for some info, and she said, "If you get your application in by the 15th we will still take it." WHUUTTTT??!! So I did it. It's all submitted. Probably not the BEST essay I've ever written, but it is done. Best I could do with the few days I had to get it done.

Well, pictures can tell a better story than all my typing, so be prepared for lots!!! :)

On Careers and Single-hood

2011-05-21T18:48:00.002-06:00

So I THINK...think....I've found a good niche for myself in a master's degree....drumroll please.....Organizational Leadership and Human Resources. (or MPA..pretty close)

This brings me to the original train of thought I had before beginning this post. Well....back that train up, it actually started with a minor mental spasm and complaint as to why I'm 27 years old and in the middle of man-ville and still haven't dated anyone for about two years. Maybe it's three now....I lose track of time sometimes. Anyway, this isn't a complaining type of post, but being that my single-hood has forced me into taking other paths of life (or at least this is the conclusion I am coming to--I can't stay in Provo forever and hang out with college students) I'm realizing why girls who are my age and still single are the way they are. Well, it isn't that we are putting marriage and family on the back burner for a career, not at all. It's more like, marriage and family isn't happening at ALL right now, so why not make the most of your life and continue on with more education and a higher paying career? It isn't about the money, but there's no way a person can buy a house on $10 an hour. (OK, I admit, if you aren't getting satisfaction from taking care of others, meaning--your husband and kids, you may as well get satisfaction of achieving success in a career.) There's no way an individual can get a car, finance an education, put money away for future endeavors (you know, kids' college, a mission, etc.) , save up for retirement--which lets face it, we all are going to end up doing at one point or another--without working for it. I don't have a husband that is supporting me (and even then it will be really difficult--if near impossible--to save for all of that on just one income in today's society--don't get me wrong, I don't want to work when my kids are growing up, at least not full-time. And I'm not a gold-digger.) And honestly, a huge part of me feels like I'm giving up on the whole marriage thing--maybe a little bit bitterly, but not really in a self-centered kind of hurt way, but more of a "well, I guess I just have to shift my focus" kind of thing while still having hope (which I must admit has been put on the way back burner....sigh..that's just it, you start to lose hope, but not your will to be in a happy situation.) OK let it be known I'm not having a pity-party, just stating the truth of why women, even women in the Church, may be shifting focus a little bit. What else are we supposed to do? I LOVE nurturing. I LOVE family. More than anything. I WANT to give my whole heart to someone and make their life amazing. But......its ok. Attention must be shifted, for everything there is a season. And now I suppose the Lord wants me to focus on other things, and that is ok. And I don't judge women who do that anymore. :)

So...I'm thinking seriously about moving back home to California, as I have been thinking this for a couple years now, but this time I'm serious....in August....staying home, being with family, working and saving money for grad school for a year.. and then going to grad school in either California, Arizona, or Texas. This is the plan. I am terrified beyond all reason. But what else am I to do??? If you have any more suggestions let me know. :) (PS...dating in San Fran from what I understand is virtually non-existent, but I don't see the situation as being any different than here....minus the social atmosphere....) Oh this is becoming a very tough decision!!

My Sister is a MOM!

2011-05-19T17:38:00.000-06:00

You have no idea how relieved I am to finally be going home. It's not that I'm not having fun here, its that my sister just had a BABY! on MOTHERS DAY!! Pictures soon to come!

It's so hard to believe my little sister is a mom now. She's 7 years younger than me, and I sure see a big difference in her maturity level since she got married and went through pregnancy. Now I get texts from her almost daily stating how wonderful it is to be a mother. I must say, part of my heart pangs a little bit every time I hear that, because I would love to have that experience. But I guess if my heart didn't pang, I would be worried that I didn't have those natural and beautiful desires to nurture one of my own. Think about what a miracle it is just to be a mother! Heavenly Father really created a masterpiece in the human body--our own bodies can create something that will be around forever! Not just a rock or a drawing or a delicious meal, but a living, breathing, thinking, feeling thing that can learn, grow, progress, and do great things! How cool!! :) And to be a mother, wow what a responsibility! Because you are the guiding hand as that little being grows to influence them to make good choices and to show them a good way.

Thank you, Moom, for being such a loving influence in my life. I love my mom!! And I love my sister. :)

Motivation to Keep Growing Hair....

2011-04-29T19:11:00.000-06:00

Alright, so I've been thinking how cute pixie cuts are....and then I decided to get on Mary Kay and do one of their virtual makeover things to keep me from cutting off all my hair. And This is going to be my motivation, because long hair is way cuter and haaayyy girrrllll!! Anything to make me not look like a man!

Anyways..My life has been work, come home, work out, relief society stuff, maybe play somewhere and somehow.....and go to sleep and get to work and try to stay awake all day long. I've been getting super sleepy, its so hard for me to stay awake during the day. Weird, maybe I need to go to a doctor or something, cause I'm getting at least 6-7 hours a night. That shouldn't make me fall asleep all day. Hmm..

What else? Oh yes, I want to go see Supercross tomorrow...anyone interested???!!

Just a Catch-Up!

2011-04-17T22:21:00.001-06:00

Yeah...It's been awhile. I guess I haven't had much motivation to blog because, well, I don't know whose reading this and sometimes I don't really have anything profound to say......you know, seems like most people's blogs have some kind of "theme" or whatever..and this one is just kind of...blah....whatever I want. Ha.

I will say I've been learning lately the value of not "hanging out". Hanging-out becomes this cycle that never changes. As much as I love my guy friends, if they don't make any moves, well, neither of us is going to get anywhere, so why should we keep building close friendships with people if nothing seems to come from it? I can think of a few guy friends that I've gotten into this rut with. So, basically, I decided to remember my friend's advice when she said "Date me, or leave me alone." After all, you can't just keep being non-committal, getting your emotional "fill" without any "density" (its like eating fast food when you run in, get what you need from someone, then run out), and expect your life to change for the better. Oh no. That just doesn't work. So I'm changing my attitude and keeping my priorities in the right place and looking for and GOING for the kind of guys that are actually what I want in the long run (the more committal kind)--and having enough guns to stick it through until its apparent that it really isn't a good situation for both parties. (and hopefully I can find a guy like that too!)

Secondly, I got a new calling. Wahoo....How I got myself into this I do not know but I really hope that I can be there for the Lord in whatever way I'm needed. It's kind of overwhelming, but I'm getting really excited about it and it will really stretch me and help me to become a better person if I allow it.

Thirdly, I have not been working on my days off because, well, this calling has been kind of draining for one, and for two, I'm realizing how important keeping balance in your life is. As much fun as it is to have more money, its really nice to not be stressed out all the time from working 6 days a week. But man...that money sure is tempting.....so I may still do it every so often because my job ENDS at the end of May! Ah! If you know of any good jobs, let me know. :)

Umm.....some pictures just to keep you happy.

Whole Wide World

2011-03-27T21:34:00.002-06:00

I am loving the sound of the rain outside right now. It makes me feel like I'm safe--its kind of like that feeling you get after a good cry, like everything is going to be just fine and all your worries and troubles are gone, and the Lord is taking care of it. Peace, I guess is the best way to describe it!

And I absolutely love this! It's such a good way of describing how I feel right now, and always, accept for on those days when I am having a tough day, but this reminds us to keep moving when we have those bad days, and to keep remembering what good there is in life and how much joy we get from dreaming and finding and doing good things. Enjoy!

PS, Thanks NieNie, for sharing this on YOUR blog!

Am I a Fair-Weather Friend?

2011-03-19T07:48:00.003-06:00

This morning I've been pondering on life and the intrinsic value of true friends. I mean true friends, you know, the ones that stick around no matter what. The kind that books are made out of and that make you cry in movies because the scenes are so poignant and tender. Not that crying is an adequate yardstick for measuring good friends.....

What IS a good friend? What makes someone a true blue, through and through, through thick and thin, hardship and good times, kind of a person? Well, we all have those friends that are a lot of fun to be around, but when it came down to the nitty gritty, when you are completely being an idiot or a jerk or selfish or cannot give ANYTHING back in return for whatever tangible or emotional or simply neglectful reason, are they still going to sacrifice their time, their kindness, their thoughtfulness to make sure you are doing ok? If you ask them to do something for you, do they do it only when it seems like something fun for them? And do they have a good attitude about it or are they poopy, for lack of a better word? (I admit, I can be poopy sometimes. I think we all can...)

I heard once a quote from I believe an LDS General Authority that goes something like this: True love is the anxious concern for the well-being of one's partner. Granted, this was applying to a romantic situation, but isn't love the entire purpose of the gospel of Jesus Christ? It makes me think about my own situation and how good of a friend I am to people around me. Do I only do things for them when I know I will get something back? For example, do I do the dishes for my roommate when she is tired and anxious (and not in a mental state to need any more responsibilities on her plate) because I care about her and want her to have a moment of relief? Or do I do it because I love the attention of the "thank you so much! You are such a good person! (bowing at my feet)" or because it just happens to fit into my timeslot and my day is going perfectly so I have the emotional and physical reserves to do such a daunting task (besides, the mess was driving me crazy anyways) Do I go and visit someone that is completely out of my way, in a terrible time of day for me, when I am bogged down with my own problems, or maybe don't really have the money to go but they need someone to talk to? Do I have patience with the person who is accusing me or criticizing me? Do I look at myself and ask, "Gosh, maybe they have a reason they said what they said--should I be working on that quality a little bit more? Maybe I have been offending them and/or making their life awful." Do I LOOK for opportunities to show people that I care?

I think friendship is such a gift, not only to the person receiving it, but to you individually. It gives opportunities for us to learn more about how to love. It curbs our selfish desires, it shows us our weaknesses, and it fills us with a greater joy than we could experience on our own, having our own adventures and making ourselves feel fulfilled by various selfish uses of time, money, space, thoughts, emotions, etc.

We had this poem read to us at Church recently. It goes like this:

Six humans trapped by happenstance … in bleak and bitter cold.

Each one possessed a stick of wood, or so the story’s told.

Their dying fire in need of logs, the first man held his back,

For of the faces round the fire, he noticed one was black.

The next man looking cross the way, saw one not of his church,

And couldn’t bring himself to give the fire his stick of birch.

The third one sat in tattered clothes; he gave his coat a hitch.

Why should his log be put to use to warm the idle rich?

The rich man just sat back and thought of the wealth he had in store,

And how to keep what he had earned from the lazy, shiftless poor.

The black man’s face bespoke revenge as the fire passed from his sight.

For all he saw in his stick of wood was a chance to spite the white.

The last man of this forlorn group did naught except for gain,

Giving only to those who gave was how he played the game.

Their logs held tight in death’s still hand was proof of human sin,

They didn’t die from the cold without. They died from the cold within.

The poem just made me think of friendships and what kind of condition our hearts are in. Because, well, that's the whole point of the gospel of Jesus Christ, and thats what families are all about, and as an extension, friendships and further, communities and cities and states and countries and cultures and the whole face of the earth. It starts with me and with you.

I am so glad to have such great friends. Thanks for all of your great examples to me, and I am going to try to be better. :)

-Shayna

Post 223! My-Oh-Me!

2011-03-10T21:21:00.000-07:00

Well, obviously its been a busy few weeks plus I've been lazy about blogging, but really who cares cause who follows this faithfully....

Anyways, as I said, I have a lot to catch whoever is listening up on.

1. I am getting my motorcycle license. I've been going to a basic training class up in Murray....and its been AWESOME. And this is the bike I've been using...too bad its theirs and not mine. I was very excited to get my dirtbiking gloves in the mail...they've been at my dad's house all this time! I'm not a biker chick. I just like to ride motorcycles!

2. Work has been....interesting. To say the least, without breaking any HIPPA laws, some kids get these bright ideas and they get hooked to them and have a hard time letting them go. Like one little boy has this whole new plan of making his nose bleed every time he gets into trouble...and then letting the blood drip all over the place and all over himself...intentionally. Gross. (and yes, we make him clean it up) And another little boy they are completely taking off of meds, and he's already got some serious halucinations without meds, so he's been very...lively lately. HA. But he's so cute you feel so bad for him....I love that kid.

(mm, bloody tissue he decided to throw at us....)

(Hallucinations the earlier kid sees...and draws)

And this is what our nurse was doing while this kid was sitting there picking his nose. Our nurses work way too hard...:) Actually this guy is actually one of the best nurses we have. He's so good with the kids. sometimes we just have to wait for the kids before we can even say anything cause they won't listen anyways..they will just throw bloody napkins at you...and sometimes you get tired...

To say the least, I love these kids and I love my job when I get to work with them. I'm so humbled sometimes by their strength, seriously. They've been through a ton, and its so great when you see the light go on in their eyes and they finally start to understand stuff and to build trust with you and each other.

3. Me and my roommates did a little ditty for the ward talent show....OK Go a Million Ways. (thats the original)

You can watch OUR version of it.. HERE :) ha we are such dorks but it was fun just getting together and doing something as an apartment. OH it was so FUN!!!

4. I'm trying to decide if I should move home at the end of summer. Right now I'm thinking I probably will. I miss the fam, everyone is getting older and sicker, and I'm sure I can find work and fun out there. I must say I am very blessed to have such a great family and feeling very content in myself and what life has to offer. Life is so good, and there is so much possibility for growth and joy if we put in efforts to keep moving forward and improve ourselves and learn to love others no matter what.

5. The end. Have a good day. And if its not a good day well, be glad days are only 24 hours long and even then sometimes bad stuff goes on for a long time, but it all pays off in the end and man it feels good when its over.

Do you wanna go to Hawaii?

2011-02-25T17:54:00.000-07:00

So I'm looking for someone who wants to go to Hawaii for a week, June 4th through the 11th, for $700 (that includes the ticket.) I'm looking for preferably a girl...because right now its me and a bunch of guys. haha. Anyone that is serious about this please let me know! We will be staying on Oahu at the North Shore and driving around the island to do fun stuff. We will be attending the LDS temple, staying in a vacation rental home, seeing the polynesian center, snorkeling, playing on the beach, swimming with sea turtles, eating some fabulous food.....

(And people, this is seriously a steal!! We are getting good deals galore!)

Love,

Shayna

Temple. Just love it.

2011-02-20T00:19:00.000-07:00

Aaaah...I love the temple!

I'm so happy we have one so close by, and it is one of my most looked-forward-to parts of my Hawaii trip coming up in June! :) What a beautiful place to stop, breathe, reflect on the Lord, reflect on life, and find revelation for yourself and peace of mind outside of the regular confusion and mess of the world outside. Everyone in the world needs a place to go like that.

Valentine's Cynic

2011-02-18T18:26:00.001-07:00

Alright people. So just because I am single does not mean I have a reason to not like Valentine's day. Actually, I've never been a huge fan of it. Not even when I am dating someone. In fact, its WAY worse when I'm dating someone. Why, you ask? It's a day to celebrate love, Shayna! Do you hate? Would you rather have a day of blackness and woe? Well, yes, actually. It would be the Halloween of February. That's why February doesn't have 31 days like October--they wanted to avoid Hallow-tines...

Actually, I am NOT against love. In fact, I am very much FOR love. Maybe that's why I dislike a day that I perceive as a day construed by some woman that was not feeling appreciated enough and expected more attention than her lover was giving. (Or perhaps a very needy guy....) You see, to me, love means simple day-to-day acts, thoughtfulness daily, frequent expressions of "I love you" and "You are appreciated." If someone does something big and grand, well, it just seems like there must be an imbalance in the relationship somewhere. It isn't temperate--its passionate on some days, and cold on other days. Of course, it also creates more expectation problems between guys and girls--The man buys flowers for his mom, for example, and then doesn't buy the flowers for his wife (who obviously gets offended--dang, I would be too, what a jerk.....and THAT is a true story I heard on Valentine's) It's all commercialized, insincere, and create this massive anxiety....

Anyways, maybe I am wrong, but that is the way I feel about it at this moment in my life.

The end.

Freaky Mannequin...

2011-02-13T19:34:00.000-07:00

OHMYGOSH....Maybe we should put more mannequin's up like this in places that we don't want any business....Talk about freaky!

Being More Intentional

2011-02-10T16:44:00.002-07:00

intentional [ɪnˈtɛnʃən^əl] (freedictionary.com)

adj

1. performed by or expressing intention; deliberate

2. of or relating to intention or purpose

3. (Philosophy) Philosophy

a. of or relating to the capacity of the mind to refer to different kinds of objects

b. (of an object) existing only as the object of some mental attitude rather than in reality, as a unicorn in she hopes to meet a unicorn See also intensional

intentionality n

intentionally adv

There is a quote on my coworkers computer that says, "Always Be Intentional."

To me this means something different every time I look at it. I am intentionally ignoring this kid. I am intentionally choosing to not make a choice (well, how often do we actually INTENTIONALLY choose to not make a choice...). I am intentionally listening to a certain song to make my day feel better. I am intentionally increasing the weights I am lifting in order to not just cruise through my workout but to actually get somewhere. You get the picture.

I have decided to make little, intentional changes in my life for the better. For example, I have realized how easy it is to fall into the trap of listening to certain music because it is fun and has a good beat, and you just ignore all the negative lyrics. Well, maybe that isn't the best thing to do, because sometimes we don't realize how much those lyrics are actually affecting us, as fun as the song IS....or maybe its other things, like choosing to eat fruits and veggies when you get home instead of grabbing the Oreo cookies that are so easily sitting on your desk (or at least eating a piece of fruit FIRST, come on people. haha..GUILTY!) ....or purposefully drinking more water throughout the day. It's amazing how easy it is to just forget to do little things....like intentionally reading your scriptures with a purpose, or intentionally praying with full intent and sincerity of heart. We can be intentional with our words both to the Lord, to ourselves, and to others. We can make intentional choices to better our own lives and the lives of those around us. It takes work! yes, work. Most good things take work, and I daresay that we will not get anywhere without thinking intentionally about our thoughts, actions, words, etc. You won't just happen to float into grad school, or end up in the Celestial Kingdom just by thinking about how cool it would be to be there. You won't get a job if you don't apply yourself towards it.

So, what is it you want from your life? Where do you see yourself in five years? What do you WANT to see? What about in twenty years? Are you on track with your ultimate goal?

"And behold, ye do know of yourselves, for ye have witnessed it, that as many of them as are brought to the knowledge of the truth....which leadeth them to faith on the Lord, and unto repentance, which faith and repentance bringeth a change of heart unto them--Therefore, as many as have come to this, ye know of yourselves are firm and steadfast in the faith, and in the thing wherewith they have been made free."

(Helaman 15:7-8)(That comes from the Book of Mormon, if you haven't read it click here to get a copy for yourself.)

Go on, be intentional, have faith in what is ahead and in the Lord's plan for you, whatever that may be, take the steps and act, and experience what it feels like to be free.

Wait, I am moving out of here???..and another self realization.

2011-02-06T22:27:00.001-07:00

Last night me and my friends went to check out this townhouse up in Pleasant Grove. It was cute, homey, in a neighborhood with real people (aka, not college students, but married people and some single lady with 3 kids)....and I thought, wow this actually feels like a home. Accept we three are single girls who basically fail at Provo life cause we are all too old for it...(ok let me be more positive about that, we simply have outgrown Provo in some ways, though I love Provo. Sara is NOT too old for Provo, but she has had a lot of life experience behind her.) I mean, logically it doesn't make sense to be "too old" for a city, but when all of your neighbors are about 22ish, still in school, workin at Taco Bell, and you are graduated as of about 3 years ago, work a full time job, and are kind of ready to just live life, well.....flyers about "rockin party must be 18 to come play" "DJ Hizzy in the Hizzouse", "Come Meet Hotties in 237"....well, its fun and all but...I go to bed at 10 dangit, and everyone else in Provo my age has about 3 kids by now....(which is totally fine...its just hard to hang out with them ha) (and dont get me wrong, I love a good night of fun.)

Oh man..this means some major changes. I'm scared, not gonna lie! What if this new place has no social life at all? What if everyone is so old and set in their ways? What if I go there and feel shut off from any kind of life because I actually have to drive to find anything fun to do? And the drive...gasp....my job already starts at 630 in the morning and I work in Provo, which means from PG it will be like half an hour. Is it worth it? Cause I might just move back to CA at the end of Summer anyways....so is it worth it? It might change my mind about moving out of Utah...then again it might make me really WANT to go home haha.

I will say one thing. I have full confidence and trust in the Lord, that if I do my part, He will not let me go the way that I shouldn't go. I know that if I do my part, and let Him do His part, things will work out the way they ought to. I am happy, really, with my life. I don't feel like I have to complain about being single (yah took me long enough haha), and I like that I have all this freedom to go out and do things that I have always wanted to do (well, as long as I can afford it ha). I have been blessed immensely--wonderful family, food on my table, a roof over my head, good friends, things to laugh at, things to learn, moments of pain that only allow me to deepen my life's experiences and learn things. I finally feel like life's tradgedies are in perspective, and I realize this is thanks to the Temple. Oh how I love the Temple. It is also thanks to past experiences that were really tough for me at the time but then I learned things! Isn't life great? So...here's hoping for a positive experience, but if not, here's hoping I will be humble enough to learn from whatever happens. :)

PS...Another Self Realization

OH my gosh...I am a FLIRT!! Did not even realize that....But here I am....and man is life fun. HA....I thought I was done with all this flirtyness business a couple years ago....

But I just hope I haven't hurt anyone in the process...gasp....JUST trying to make life fun for everyone! :) Isn't it fun to be flirted with? I do declare, it sure is!

The trouble with bein a flirt, though, is that when people actually try to chase me down, I just run away. Bye bye! Run, run, as fast as you can, you can't catch me, I'm the Gingerbread woman! ha..that, and when I actually get serious, I get way too serious. Yuck. So let us commence with the fun and try to find the right balance in life, shall we?

Oh dear me, what has gotten into my 27 year old brain? I kind of like it......

Parenting! AAH!

2011-02-05T16:59:00.000-07:00

The last four weeks I have worked on the Children's unit at the hospital nearly every day. I LOVE working with the Children. They are cute, they say the funniest things, they run up to you and hug you, they tease you, they say things as they are ("Your hair is messy today!"), they ask you about your love life (haha..not that I ever tell them), you have chances to help them change their behavior around for the better, race the down the hallway with them....I could go on. And now I am collecting a growing pile of doodlings, crafts, and fun memories...

(one of the kids made this for Valentine's day! HAHAHA!)

The thing about these kids, though, is that they get away with all kinds of crap outside of the hospital that WE are supposed to NOT allow so that they can change their behavior. For example, maybe they are too intrusive in people's personal space. They bully, they bite, spit, pee on the walls, are controlling, beg you for attention constantly, have huge mood swings, a few of them are autistic....so you can't exactly be that laid back kind of person that can trust them without having to listen to every word. You must be constantly vigilant, follow through with all the rules, punish them accordingly , pay attention to twenty kids at once, and still keep your head on straight without becoming the town task-master or punisher. The power struggle is really, really hard sometimes! I feel like all I ever do is tell them to stop doing stuff. It's really challenging to build relationships of trust with them.....

It's making me remember my parenting class with Dr. Nelson at BYU. He gave us a little piece of advice once, something to the effect of changing your parenting mindset from being a REACTOR to situations to someone who thinks ahead and is more of a BUILDER--a foundation former so to speak.

My problem is this: I feel like I am either the reactor, or a pushover! I haven't learned yet how to lay down the law without losing their trust that I do in fact care. (It would help to have this there because then when I would tell them to stop doing something, they would more than likely stop a little easier.) One kid was upset today because I was his watch "AGAIN??!!" haha....Im SORRY OK??!!! lol. One little girl I was watching ran over to tell on some other kid to another tech because I "just wasn't paying attention!" (huh? lol) So I spent time with these kids playing war with origami paper....watching them draw pictures....and yes, standing back and taking a breather sometimes.

Oh man, I'm realizing how difficult and consuming parenting really is. I'm not even a mom yet....but man, it takes a LOT of dedication, I mean, even minute by minute, to kids in order to do your job right! It's like I'm not even allowed to mentally zone.....and I'm realizing just how often I mentally zone. I could zone for hours. haha...it helps me to deal with life. It's probably a habit I've gotten into as a single person--lots of ME time. I mean like hours a day! But, no zoning allowed in parenting apparently....How do you guys DO it?!!

Gratitude for you.

2011-01-30T23:01:00.000-07:00

Dear friends and family and acquaintances,

I was just listening to President Monson's talk on Gratitude from General Conference this past October, and thought I would take a minute to express gratitude to those people in my life that make life worth living. I can't even name everyone because each person in my life makes life worth living. That is redundantly redundant.....but I'll say to each one of you reading this that I have been touched by your life and example.

First of all, my family. I have a sister that can make me laugh, and even when she is going through something hard she finds a way to laugh at it. She sent me a text today that said she peed her pants. And tomorrow is her 20th birthday. I know she sent that to me because she knew I would laugh at it. And I did. And then I told her how bad I felt for her. I could go on and on about this hilarious, crazy, yet incredibly soft hearted and loving and nurturing this sister is. Not to mention each other member of my family--a mother that cares deeply and shows it, a father who told me today that I am his little girl and am perfect in his eyes (ha...right), a brother who is tough and incredibly soft hearted as well, a younger sister who goes for her dreams and keeps her feet planted on the ground..cousins who bring me to my knees in gratitude because despite their acute health problems they still smile every day. I have such a wonderful family. Someday, you will see, we will all be sealed together :)

Secondly, friends. Aw man what would I do without my friends??? What would I do without YOU. I won't name names, but I have wonderful roommates who include me in their family things because I don't have family out here. They make our apartment feel like a home. And they ask how my day was every day. I have work friends who make work fun and easy to go to every day. Then I have friends in my ward who reach out and smile and ask me how life is, and they are great listeners and write me nice notes! ha....Then there are my guy friends who I am so grateful for because they keep me laughing and help me not to take myself too seriously, and yet they can be serious as well and are great listeners and GREAT examples to me.

You guys all know who you are :) I am so grateful to all the people in my life. Each one of you. And I know that sounds trite and cliche and not at all individualized, but please know that I did think of you when I wrote this. Thank you, thank you, thank you for showing love in your simple, day to day acts. I appreciate each of you! I don't know why I am so blessed, but I have been, and I just had to express my gratitude for those blessings.

<3, Shayna

So I THINK these pictures are legal.....

2011-01-27T17:06:00.001-07:00

So for those of you who don't know, I work at a mental hospital. It's so interesting, some of the stuff you see, and due to patient privacy we can't tell a lot of the stories that we get from work, nor can people just walk in and see the units and what is on them, because patients are around, and that would be breaching their privacy. So I got some pictures of what it's like in there and made sure I didn't get any patients or patient information just to keep everything legal. :) PS my job is so cool...at least I think so!

A real life padded room....

This is a patient bed, and this particular bed was being used by a patient who needed restraints.

We keep watch of things on the cameras if we aren't able to be in five places at once. Plus its just good to have video recordings in case someone makes accusations.

This is one of the tech desks. We sit in here and chart, or if the patients are asleep we can sit there and keep a watch of the hallway.

For some reason the patients get a KICK out of scratching off letters on the signs. If you can't tell, this used to say "Toilet Room". You gotta have a sense of humor around here...

View from the outside of the seclusion rooms (aka padded rooms). We watch the patients through the glass if they are locked in there to make sure they aren't hurting themselves. They can't see anything through the glass though (its a two-way mirror)

This is one of the hallways on one of the units. So it's not like a "hospital" type place, I mean, it IS, but, they try to make it kind of like a really big home or something. Even though its as ghetto as ever.

Anyways, interesting huh! Peace out, girl scout. I want to post some poems some schizophrenic patients wrote but I am not sure if that's legal.....so...I will forgo that for now....

Ohhh yeah.......

2011-01-24T16:44:00.000-07:00

Soo ready for Spring!

My Week Without Facebook

2011-01-20T20:01:00.003-07:00

"I'm not getting on Facebook this week."

"You aren't getting on Facebook ALL WEEK??"

"Yeah. Wait, isn't that awful that a whole week without Facebook seems like a difficult thing?"

"Hmm....."

(Actual conversation.)

What IS it about this website that has everyone hooked?! (for me its mostly boredom...) How do YOU know you have a problem with Facebook? Well, for starters, when you are going throughout your day, and if you catch yourself thinking, "Oooh! I should change my status to _______, yeah! That would be an awesome status!" or if you find yourself writing things every twenty minutes. "Curling my hair, gettin ready for my big date!" "Just bought a pair of skinny jeans! Oh they make me look so fat!" "Talking to my sister, man I'm lucky to have such a great sister!" "I just slipped on my way down the stairs, stupid snow!"

Then there's the, "How is so-and-so doing?" "Oh, I don't know! She hasn't been on facebook for like 3 days! She must have dropped off the planet!" "Did you try calling her?" "Well, no....."

Or perhaps you find yourself stalking that guy from class, or spending hours trying to find him through common friends, so you go through a million webs, and in the process you have added like twenty new people (as well as looked at all their 667 pictures they have posted), because then you can catch up on all the gossip, you can ask so-and-so if he has ever mentioned you, and of course everyone reads everything about YOU cause you are the star of your own Facebook. And the more comments you get, the more popular you are, the more witty you must be, and the more "invites" end up on your homepage.

So, what's wrong with all this positive affirmation? Who DOESN'T like to feel important? Who DOESN'T want to be in the loop? Well, take a look at yourself from an outside perspective. Are you actually talking to anyone? No, you are sitting at your computer, staring at a screen all by yourself (or with a friend right next to you doing the exact same thing, if your apartment or home is anything like mine), having imaginary conversations with pictures of people making goofy, unrealistic faces. Gone are the vocal inflections, the lulls in conversation, the body language...and pretty soon you are imaging up how you think the person on the other end is responding to your comments, and naturally, you imagine it in your favor. Take this example:

Girl: "Hey! Hows it going??"

Boy: (ten minutes later) "Oh, hi. :)" (translation: OOHHH!!! HEEEYYYY YOU ARE SOO FINE! (you got that from the smiley face) I was taking my time cause I wanted to keep you waiting, cause i really like you but didn't want to appear too eager, plus you will want me more if you have to wait.")

Now, obviously, you can see how THAT scenario could go dreadfully wrong...But how ELSE is this becoming a danger to our very relationships and interactions? May I ask you how long you actually spend with people, in person, versus chatting with them on Facebook? I tell you what, when I went home for a week and didn't see my friends in person, but chatted with them all week on facebook and texts, I felt so awkward seeing them face-to-face and kind of forgot how to just be normal around them. It was like, "Oh wow, now you see me, live, in person, as I really am. Are you still going to be my friend, now that you see all my flaws and weaknesses?" What happens when you are in a committed relationship and you are too scared to be yourself because all this time you have projected some persona via virtual world, aka, make-it-into-what-you-wish-you-were world?

May I ask the last time you felt lonely even when you were "chatting" with someone? Oh, it happens to me all the time. There is just ample more realistic fulfillment from face-to-face, nitty-gritty, real-life, get-into-arguments, face lighting up, etc. communication. We also improve our ability to socialize in real life, thus helping us in marital relationships, gaining and keeping worthwhile employment, etc. And who doesn't like to see someone cracking up from some joke you told? Or being comforted from a loving arm around the shoulder? Or wiping a tear from a child? Well, I tell you what, you wont HAVE a child to wipe a tear from if you are spending your life on Facebook dreaming of some person that isn't even there...what, are you gonna marry some person that you have mostly been chatting with over a virtual, unrealistic world? Not me!...and maybe this entire blog post is based on my own experience because these ARE things that I know I struggle with, because I am naturally a very shy person and feel way more comfortable expressing myself in writing, or in other words, NOT face-to-face...because I would probably start shaking, crying, and wanting to throw up if I had to talk about something difficult, or even just being my real self around people because of that fear of unacceptance. So don't feel like you are being judged ;)

Anyways, that was my tangent, and that is why I am getting off Facebook this week....and to be honest, I haven't even missed it. Stalking boys, yes I have missed indeed, but deep inside I know how much torture that actually is. haha, especially since most of the time they don't even know you, but you sure know them.....and thats just plain creepy and sickening......

MY BROTHER CALLED ME!!!

2011-01-16T23:51:00.000-07:00

Yeah, ok so my brother called me today!!! You don't even understand HOW that made my DAY!! I love him a TON. I mean, he's my little brother! He's been in Afghanistan the past..oh..9 months? I haven't talked to him for a YEAR!! A YEAR!! THAT IS WAY TOO LONG!!

I just thought I would tell the world!! :) He almost died a couple times out there....got shot in the FACE...and miraculously his face mask caught a bullet as it hit him...it was stuck in the mask. Can you believe that? He also received a medal out there...some kind of honor in a difficult situation...lol sorry I don't know what it was called....but only 83 guys got it out of thousands. I'm so proud of him and know the Lord has a work for him to do. That is obvious to me because of how protected he has been and because of other experiences I am not going to share on here.

Anyways, MY BROTHER CALLED ME AND HE'S SAFE AND OK!!! WELCOME HOME RYAN!!!

Another little reminder for Shayna...

2011-01-12T21:19:00.000-07:00

Dear world,

I feel like this is turning more into a journal, and I'm not gonna lie, I kind of like that idea. Anyways, today I went to Institute at my assigned Stake institute on BYU campus. The teacher was NOT what I expected--she was a lady probably in her 30's (as she spoke about her 20's in past tense...and there is no way she's older than in her 30's.) She didn't serve a mission (said each time she prayed about it she didn't feel right, even though she wanted to go so badly..BINGO just like me! haha), she wasn't the most beautiful, nor was she super eloquent like a lot of the teachers I have encountered at the UVU institute. But what was it about her that made me want to keep listening....well, she was open. She was REAL. She has flaws, she admits them and says she wants to improve. She is a busy, single (awesome, again..just cause its so inspiring how great she is), imperfect, and yet incredibly powerful woman who mentioned how she knows what an important role she has in building up the kingdom of God on earth before the 2nd Coming. Whoaaaaa!

Anyways, I think what made her so great is that I left that classroom realizing how much I have been LACKING the last month or two in trying to become closer to the Lord. I mean, really, really, closer. Not just reading scriptures, not just praying, but REALLY coming to KNOW Him, in order to change and to become more like Him, and to accept Him in all aspects of my life. Isn't that the whole point?? It wasn't that she knew all the significant dates in history or that she had been to the Sacred Grove and was impressing us with her knowledge of how many footsteps so and so took when he walked to a new city to share the gospel, or whatever...ok thats random but you get the point.....she stated at the beginning of class that if we did NOT leave the class wanting to be a better person, with a repentant heart, recognizing and going forth with a new determination to change something in our lives, that she was not an effective teacher, neither were WE effective students in allowing the Spirit to talk to us and to help us to change. Why is it that we avoid that so often? Well, I for one get distracted sometimes. That and I'm afraid of what I am going to feel sometimes, but why? It always turns out for the best.

I really, really hope this becomes something more important in my life. I mean, of primal importance, and I am so glad I went to that class, and so glad I realized how imperfect I am...still have a ways to go and I'm afraid to ask for more recognitions of that..haha just kidding. Anyways, that was the thought of the day.

Goodnight!
<3 Shayna

To the shy guys...

2011-01-11T10:39:00.000-07:00

I was talking to this friend of mine last night, who is a great guy and unfortunately he doesn't really have much luck when it comes to dating. He says, "Why don't girls just ask guys out, that way at least we know you are interested."

Well, seems like if a guy is interested in a girl, he would ask her out, otherwise, she would assume he is not, and maybe a great girl would slip right through his fingers...or her fingers (a great guy that is)...usually you don't even know how you feel about someone until you pursue a relationship with them. Just saying....I think there are a ton of great guys out there that sell themselves short and dont go for that girl. Yes, the louder guys tend to get more attention, but then all the other ones don't get noticed because they are too shy to ask. How is the girl going to know the guy at all if he doesn't try, especially if he is shy? ha

Besides, in my experience, if a girl does the pursuing the guy just doesn't have interest because she is too forward. And I for one have been that girl and refuse to do it anymore, because it only results in a lot lot lot of heartache, because for some reason girls just hang on longer. So if a guy doesn't pursue me, well, I might show interest for awhile but he is definitely NOT going to keep me on the shelf forever and not do anything about it. Most girls feel that way, they will move on to more productive pastures. lol. So to you shy guys out there, I say just go for it, because you are awesome and have a lot to offer, and I promise if you just try you will find someone, somewhere. haha ...and yes guys say they are dense and dont get the hints, thats why I say just go for it. And to you who I was talking to, you know who you are! :) and yes I stayed up an hour past my bedtime cause I liked our conversation. haha GOOD LUCK!! poor guys....

Sweet Sunday Moments....

2011-01-10T00:09:00.001-07:00

Dear world, there were some great things that happened today......

1. (and this one was my favorite...) When a speaker at Church gave a talk on faith, and mentioned in her talk a British equivalent NBA player who decided not to play games on Sunday, my mom leaned over to me after the meeting was over, and despite all the trials she is going through, told me that she is now newly committed to keeping the Sabbath day holy. What a sweet moment to my heart! She said she will prepare beforehand by buying what she needs the day before. You don't understand how much that means! :)

2. At church, I got greeted by the Ward Mission leader, and he was excited to see me because he thought maybe I was new in the ward. How friendly of him...and his co-chair was also there with him, as well as the sister missionaries. What a friendly ward! It really sweetened my day. It is so good to see such faithful Saints all over the world.

3. Me and my dad had been trying to get ahold of my aunt for the last couple of days. I finally sent her a text as a last resort, and she happened to see my text right as my dad decided it was too late to go. :( She's been struggling so much lately I thought maybe we could come by and visit and just be her friend. My dad immediately decided to drive over to see her anyways, and it was a great visit. It may have been a small thing, but I am so glad we got to see her! My cousin was there, too. What a treat. And she laughed and joked with us the whole time. I think it did lift her up, as when we were about to leave, she said "oh, I am sad, now my entertainment is gone."

4. A beautiful sunset. Oh I am going to miss it here.

5. But, I do get to see my great friends in Provo tomorrow. Hopefully I didn't drive everyone crazy with all my texts this week. :) Til then, see you soon, and remember that every day we can see the Lord's hand in lots of ways if we just stop and look. He is in the details. Try it, it really refreshes your thoughts and perspective!

I am going to miss these little missionary moments I've been having all week, hopefully I can still have them in Provo!

--Shayna

Where did the sunshine go?

2011-01-08T18:01:00.000-07:00

I'm here in California visiting my family still. It's been really fun and I am not looking forward to going back to work. haha...I guess we wouldn't be happy if we didn't ever work for anything huh...

I think I made my decision. (drum roll please.....)

I have decided it would be best to keep working at my job until July when it will end, and then move after that. We will see where I end up. :) That way I can keep saving money. And plans for Italy might change....TBA.

And whoever said California is warm all the time? its 48 degrees. Brr! Its still California though, good ole beautiful place with way too many people and way too much traffic....I think I would love to live in the central valley one day. :) Its way chill there, there's a lot more space, and its a lot cheaper! And there are way fewer people and it is more conservative. There you have it.

To anyone reading this, have a great day, ok?? I mean it.

love,
shayna

Struggling with a Tough Decision...

2011-01-04T20:38:00.001-07:00

Well, I am here in good ole California visiting my family for the post-holidays. It's been fun, its been real....and earlier this year I got sick of being so lonely so I decided I would move back in April.

Now that I am here, (albeit just visiting), I am frusterated, I am feeling like though I love my family I do not know if I could just live here. And housing in California is way over my budget (which I would much prefer having my own place with roommates). In fact, one month of rent would wipe out my entire savings account. Not only that, but even though I am here, I feel out of place a little bit and uncomfortable because my parents haven't really had me around being an "adult", so when I try to just do things on my own or be my own person, they jump in and say things or correct things....which I can totally understand, and maybe they are right but I like doing things on my own. Ugh...The thing is, there is a good school here I was planning on attending that has a great price, and I could live at home for free and get my education done, then I could find a good job that pays well (cause its California...) Not to mention, its freakin CALIFORNIA. SO FUN lol. (nothing against Utah. It's a good place.)

What should I do, because in Provo, Yes, I have my own space, but it sure is lonely even though you are surrounded by thousands of people your age. Maybe I should move outside of Provo....What do I do?? (my whole family is soo excited that I made the decision to move out...and it would really disappoint them if I didn't. ) I'm just not really feeling great about this.....

Hmm......

"On Being a Man"

2010-12-31T13:39:00.000-07:00

This was posted at my work, and I loved it, and thought I'd share it with you. Its kind of long but he has some great thoughts. It really made me think deeply about my own thoughts, emotions, and heart:

Just like there is no "REAL LIFE 101" or "BEING HAPPY 101" in university coursework, there is no "BEING A MAN 101"; we learn as we go. We are taught many things as factual when so many are just what worked for our role models. It is up to us to find what works for us.

Who are our role models? Our fathers, teachers and coaches, friends, co-workers, bosses, TV and movie actors? I have met quite a few men who have inspired me and motivated me to reach beyond the ordinary. But I have also been disappointed by some that have gotten bogged down in satisfying someone else's expectations.

I think a man, foremost, is a warrior. Not in the common interpretation and not in the aggressive self-assertion that so people mistake for confidence. The warrior fights the battles within. That is where wars need to be fought.

Most external fights are merely a distraction, a diversion from fighting the necessary battles within. Most aggressive self-assertion is projection of inner fear, projections of limiting beliefs that there is not enough for everyone. It is easier to blame others for our rage than to realize that we have the power over our perceptions, over our thoughts, over the fears that come from no other place but within.

So what does the warrior battle?

He questions beliefs to find what is truth for himself. He battles the stray negative thoughts that run across the field of his mind.

I'm talking about the self-defeating "what-if" fantasies. This is usually accompanied by those nasty words, "would", "should" and "could." Thoughts can create emotions, emotions can create thoughts. Fear is a thought that quickly manifests itself as an emotion.

The “What-if / second guessing” cycle is so destructive because it takes the thoughts and emotions spiraling down into a deepening black-hole.

What is the most peaceful, soul-joyous moment you have ever had? I bet it was one where some experience had shutdown your thoughts to almost non-existence, and you felt the joy of experiencing the moment.

Humans, like other animals, are instinctive creatures. The difference is that many human parents and society do their best to discourage the development of instinct and instead teach a bunch of rules which seem to make sense for a while, and then leave us in turmoil when we discover these rules don’t fit us as growing adults.

And the tragic part is to watch grown adults cling vehemently to beliefs that they know in their own hearts don’t fit them. I know because I have done this before.

The even greater tragedy is when men cling so strongly to these beliefs that do not match natural laws, and man attempts to alter nature because his ego can rationalize the need to destroy life rather than face the truth of a mistaken belief. Just look at all the evil and bloodshed that has stained history, performed in the name of God.

The intellect is so seductive because our egos are so tightly linked to the intellect. Ego is the opposite of spirit. Ego is control, spirit is surrender to the flow of universal intelligence, like the "collective consciousness" Carl Jung spoke of. Youth is about mastering what we can control, maturity is about surrendering to what is truly powerful and allowing divine right action to create in our lives. We are all here on this planet to learn and grow - grow up to the innocence we once had as a child.

The intellect is seductive because being reasonable is such a high value. Now I was fortunate that I have the gift to use both halves of the brain with significant energy and we can all develop this. This has given me the perception to go into one half and look at the other. When I look from the creative half at the intellect, I see a machine that emulates the creative process, tries to give birth by bearing down with force of will.

This process is restricted to the 10% of the brain that science speaks of. The creative part knows to open up to the flow that is all around us and allow ourselves to be enchanted with our connection to all things. Good musicians know that the best performance happens when we stop thinking and let the creativity flow through us.

There is no UNDO function, but we can decide if our failures feed success or just repeat again and again. I know I've had my share of garbage dumped on my brain's hard drive, our job is to find it, delete it, replace it with quality. Quality in, quality out, garbage in, garbage out.

So how do we know the difference between truth and garbage data stuffed on the brain's hard disk?

It's the heart that knows, the instincts, the gut feelings, the truth we hear in our moments of silence. A predominate message of this "techno" age is that intellect is king, answer to all problems. But this is one piece of the puzzle and the vacuum created by not developingn our intuitive skills leaves people devoid of their own truth, waiting for the next guru to show them the way.

When we fully develop - develop mind and spirit, intellect and intuition - we figure out that our access to truth was there all the time and is accessed when we trust our access to the truth. Trust our heart, our gut, our instincts. Trusting your heart is scary, especially when "friends" around you tell you that it is foolish to do so. Following your heart is scary especially when you have been hurt before, and hurt severely.

But on every instance that I have been hurt, I look back remember when a little whisper spoke to me from in my heart and said "watch what's happening here", and I didn't listen. The lesson is being in touch, sharp to hear that voice, raising our awareness when we hear the voice. And the voice stops when we stop trusting it. Like so many things in life, use it or lose it.

And the only way to show you trust it is to get up out of the dirt and saddle up again. Life is beautiful, Life hurts, everybody's childhoods were difficult, everybody's life has its own unique challenges, we need to be careful not to build castle walls that also keep out our ability to feel joy and pleasure. I want the good stuff, and I'll take the pain along with it if that's what it takes!

So what is the warrior's job? The vigilance to monitor our thoughts, shut down the noise to reach our peaceful inner truth, and the courage to follow our hearts. This is the butt that needs kicking.

All that is necessary for the triumph of evil

is that good men do nothing.

~ Edmund Burke, Irish orator, philosopher, & politician ~

by David Stanley Bell.

http://www.davidstanleybell.com/articles/on-being-a-man.htm

Stupid Flu Shot....

2010-12-30T08:21:00.001-07:00

So I am here at work at the hospital, just sitting on a watch that is asleep. This lady usually is running all over the place but she's not feeling well today so I'm blogging.

Let's back this train up to yesterday. I get this text from my friend who works with me, who happens to be working on another unit. I ask him which unit he is on, and he tells me and says, "....Everybody is sick and puking and pooping everywhere. I'm super excited to be at work today." Oh, sucks to be you! It was so bad that they quarantined the whole unit, had all the techs wear gloves and masks, sent doctors down and had everyone on IV's, literally everyone but like 5 people got sick. Thats a ton of people. Puking and nausea are the WORST things to me. I would rather be giving birth, or on my death bed, than feeling like that and throwing up. UGH! So I at this point am very grateful I'm on Children's unit.

Well so of course today I am praying so hard that I do not get sent to the puking unit. Obviously I did not pray hard enough.....cause HERE I AM!! and breathing your own breath all day in a mask is NOT fun.....is the truth....oh please pray I dont catch this awful thing!! lol....

If he doesn't like you....

2010-12-27T17:11:00.000-07:00

I decided if a guy tells me he isn't interested in me, I am just going to assume it is because he is not interested in girls in general.

That helps a little bit. You should try it. ;)

When I was Little...

2010-12-23T21:23:00.000-07:00

When I was little, I used to think:

1. I want to be a professional dancer, like those ballerinas in the Nutcracker.

2. I want to date every single man in the whole wide world so I can pick out just the right one for me. (ugh..why???)

3. I want to live in the Temple so that I would never ever have to be tempted--I could be happy and perfect all the time. What a better place to live, it would be like being in Heaven all the time.

4. My dad is the tallest guy in the world, and the strongest, and would protect me from anything.

5. My mom can make anything all better. Anything!

6. The song "Butterfly Kisses" made me cry because it would mean my dad would be sad cause he had to give me away.

7. Snails were fun to play with, and sweet creatures that no one should destroy because they were nice and never hurt anyone and they were pretty and they did cool things with their antennaes--just because they are slow doesn't mean they should be killed.

8. ..that if I believed in something so strongly, then everyone else would believe in it, too.

9. ...that I was the coolest kid in school..until I got to first grade. ha

10. that Santa was real, and that he wrote me letters every Christmastime, and that he read my Naughty and Nice list every year, and that the reindeers came and ate up all the carrots we left them. (haha thanks Dad)

11. That my grandma was an angel.

12. That when other kids were mean to me, I could just go off and be on my own and it didn't matter because I didn't need any friends anyways. So I played with the snails. haha

13. That there was a perfect plan for each one of us and that when you grew up everything turned out just right and everyone was happy all the time because they were a grown up.

Now, well, I've had enough dating of even a very small percentage of one little town in the state of Utah in the United States to last a lifetime...

Now sometimes my shining eyes are a little bit dulled by experiences that may have bittered them a little...

Now sometimes I dont even know what I want to be when I "grow up"

...Yet now I appreciate my imperfect parents even more, now I realize that things really DO come out for the best in the long run if we keep holding onto those glimmers of light that come and go, I actually DO get to live in the temple for about 5 hours a week plus :) , my grandma really is an angel sent to earth. And no, one of my parents does NOT believe everything I believe in, in fact, I can't even talk to him about it, but that just goes along with respecting and learning to love others. And speaking of others, I'm learning just how grateful I am that I am not alone, that I do have family and friends I can depend on, and how much we all need that.

Why do we let our grown-up negative experiences dull our ability to recognize all the good stuff that is really happening to us?

I got to hear President Henry B. Eyering (First Presidency for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints) speak this past Sunday, and it felt like he was talking to me. In fact, he looked at me a few times, and at one point we both started to tear up at the same time-while he was looking at me-it was really touching. But he basically left us his blessing, stating he felt it was really truly from the Lord, that if we keep on being faithful, that those things, any of those eternally important things, that are promised to us will in fact come, maybe not when we expect it, but that they will, because God doesn't break His promises. He left us with a blessing of that "peace that passeth all understanding, as long as you open your eyes and see those glimmers of light."

Oh man Im just tearing up thinking about it, but what a blessing this life is, and I am so grateful for living Apostles and Prophets who testify of Christ, who remind us of why we are here, and who help us to keep at it and not forget Him.

Love this!

2010-12-21T16:41:00.000-07:00

Thanks Portia for sharing this!

Snowboarding: CHECK!

2010-12-17T21:04:00.003-07:00

One more item completed from my To-Do List Before Leaving Utah!

And it was SOOO FUN!! I am so hooked. It hurt, and actually after a whole week my tailbone is still in pain if I sit down for a long time. Ha! (Not broken, dont worry, just a little bit overused haha)

Oh my gosh, I have NEVER FALLEN SO MUCH in my life! Yet I have never had so much fun doing it! HA I seriously laughed almost every time!!! Well, Until I got myself into a foot of powder into some grove of trees...now, imagine this:

Your feet are about hip width apart, strapped to this board that is almost as tall as you are. (well, about 8 inches shorter than you) You don't know how to control this thing yet, and the only way you can learn is by just doing it. So you get on, and you expect it to move down the mountain. You have to wiggle a little bit to get it going, and then it just makes sense by the law of physics to point the board down. Right? Like going down a slide. But you know, snow actually gets you moving pretty fast. So pretty soon you are careening down, forward, and whichever way the front of the board is pointing, and sometimes it points every which way, cause it takes some skill to make it point where you want it to point while you are careening down a mountain at about 30 mph. And then before you know it, you get scared at your speed and you put your hands out to stop you and lean forward, and then you land on your stomach and your legs naturally continue to whip forward, until they reach your back, or your head, or whatever is in front of them. (Good thing I used to be a dancer haha!)

and then at some point you end up on this trail you probably shouldn't be on, and its like a mile wide but of course you slide uncontrollably to the far right and sail into a grove of trees with about a foot of fresh powder in the midst. Haha, oh man how are you gonna get out of this one? Well, your feet are strapped to some board (which, might I add, as a newbie, its really hard to unstrap and restrap those things, so you keep the board on...but you can't just get up and walk out of the trees, because of the board, so you sit on your bottom and scoot yourself forward inch by inch with your legs and arms. And when that gets tiring, you get on your hands and knees and move forward--kind of like a dog with its hind legs tied together.

OH BUT IT WAS SO FUN!! PLEASE LETS DO IT AGAIN!!

Congrats Camille!!

2010-12-17T15:47:00.000-07:00

Guess what, Camille?? YOU WON!!! Fair and square, I drew your name out of the cup! Perfect! Camille is about to get married, you guys, so this is PERFECT!! I am so happy, and congrats to you!

Free Giveaway!!

2010-12-10T16:16:00.002-07:00

So guess what? How many of you have already started your Christmas shopping? Or perhaps you are about to get married and need some extra cash and/or stuff? Well, lucky for you, there aren't a ton of readers on this website, because that means you have a greater opportunity to win a free GIVEAWAY for $35 to any of CSN's stores. They have 200+ online stores selling products of all shapes and sizes, like leather messenger bags and a wide variety of just about anything you can think of. So if you are poor like me, $35 is a lot of money, especially if its going towards one purchase.

Maybe I'm a weirdo but I kind of liked this one:

And this would be perfect for Italy..I dont know why I love the hard luggage so much.....am I the only one? They have other stuff too.

CSN stores also sells furniture, cookware, bed and bath, home improvement, rugs, toys, etc.

So what do you have to do to win? Just write a comment by December 15th and let me know you want in, and I will put your name in for a drawing....and I will let you know soon!

(Ps this really is Shayna, I haven't been taken over by some random company trying to sell their stuff on my site.)

Merry Christmas!

I Love to See the Temple, I Went There Saturday!

2010-12-05T23:29:00.002-07:00

What a handsome ward I have ;)

My roommate Kleresa. I just love this girl, she's such a sweet, humble soul. And she just got released from being the RS President for about a year and a half, and she was great at it! I can't believe I was trying to give her advice when she first got put in--just goes to show, she's much humbler than me, as she turned the RS around a ton because she followed inspiration, not what her friends were trying to say!

An island of calm in the middle of the bustling, crazy crowds! It reminds you of what the season is really about.

And then instead of ending up at the Pie with everyone else, we drove to South Jordan and found a Panda Express, because the Pie was so freakin busy, and by this time of night we were all frazzled and irritated at life, and needed a little bit of food to make us happy again. What a stressful night.....remember, if you are in Salt Lake, especially on a Saturday night, prepare to look forever to find a parking spot!

Oh well, we had some really special experiences watching the Joseph Smith movie and seeing the lights, sigh....next time...the Pie WILL be eaten at before I leave Utah.

This is a terrifying commentary on Provo...oh dear....

2010-12-05T19:41:00.000-07:00

December is Here!

2010-12-03T21:20:00.000-07:00

.....and I have been a failure at blogging!

Thanksgiving I spent with my roommates' family, which is almost like my second family. After work, I exercised, jumped in the shower, and raced over to the Miller Thanksgiving. I made a Spice Cake* the night before, and brought it nice and cold to the feast! (Note, this is a really, really bad idea because I cannot stop eating that cake when I make it...oh my gosh holy cow.) At work, they provided some really, really good food for FREE to all the employees that had to work that day. I was very grateful for it, and by the time I got to the Millers I was still full haha.....oh boy, at least I didn't have to sleep on a too-full stomach! I am grateful for good friends that let me join in on their family holiday. Thanks Millers!

And then comes Christmastime to prepare for! I've been working like crazy on Christmas presents, I am so excited because my family doesn't know what I am doing, and I can be sneaky about it since I am completely in another state! Plus I have another couple of weeks to work since I won't be going home until January 1st.

And speaking of flying on a plane to go home, I found out from a work acquaintance today that his wife works for Delta and she can get me free airline tickets to anywhere in the world. Hello!!! I don't want to push it, but I am thinking Hawaii at least! Maybe I'll ask about Italy, but really, that seems like a really big thing to ask so I might chicken out of asking about that one....As of now, I have a few friends that want to come with me to Hawaii and THAT has ALSO been a lifelong dream of mine, so I figure, if he can get all of them in for free, then I can seriously be grateful for that and not ask for Italy too! Oh no, what oh what should I do, I really really really could use a free ticket to Italy.....!!

And can I say I just love my dinner group? Last night, we started dinner at 7:15 and for some reason we were all still sitting at the dinner table until 9:00, just talking. I love it, and I am grateful for friends and food, and how just this simple little dinner group has brought so many people together.

I am totally going to have family dinners each night! That is, when I am not sitting on my computer alone blogging because I actually HAVE a family haha

*Spice Cake*

1) Sift together in a large bowl: 2 ½ cups flour and 2 cups sugar.

2) Mix in sauce pan: 2 sticks of butter and 1 cup water. Bring to a rapid boil. Pour over sugar and flour mixture while boiling hot. Blend together well.

3) Add ½ cup buttermilk ( ½ cup milk + 1 ½ tsp vinegar if you don’t have buttermilk), 2 eggs slightly beaten, ½ tsp baking soda, 1 tsp vanilla, 1 tsp cinnamon and a pinch of salt. Mix well.

4) Pour into greased sheet cake pan and put into oven at 400 degrees for 20 min (or less if using a crappy oven lol).

5) Make Cream Cheese Frosting and spread over cake once cooled.
Frosting:
Blend together: 4 ½ oz cream cheese, 4 Tbsp butter, 2 ¼ cup powdered sugar, and 1 tsp vanilla

Isn't this weird?

2010-11-24T21:05:00.000-07:00

United States

1,994

Ukraine

South Korea

United Kingdom

Canada

Brazil

Germany

Lebanon

Denmark

Malta

I guess this is another sign that I am meant to travel the world...where on earth, and how on earth did I meet you people looking at my blog? I would LOVE to meet you! Oh well, its awesome. Feel free to leave comments if you come by so I can know who you are! :)

The Holidays are Here!

2010-11-24T20:48:00.001-07:00

I am starting to get excited for Christmas. Though its hard to not be a little bit depressed because my job won't let me go home for ANY of the holidays--Thanksgiving, Christmas, OR New Years. I've NEVER missed Christmas with my family, no matter how poor I was. Sigh...so it is going to be a tough year I think. Not to mention I'm a pretty quiet person so its not easy for me to just bounce over to someone's apartment and make myself comfortable. haha...I always, always wished I was one of those kinds of people, and grateful to my friends who are a little bit more outgoing than me!

But I AM going home in January, which I am grateful for. And I guess instead of getting home in a stressful state, I will have already passed all the holidays, so my dad won't be stressing out about the tree, my mom won't be worried about me being there on Christmas morning (she will probably be crying instead..aww), and maybe they will have more time to shop for me, and they will feel sorry for me because I had to spend the holidays alone, so they will get me more presents! HA just kidding! ;)

Maybe if I wasn't sitting here staring at our Christmas tree, watching the closing balcony scene of "Letters to Juliet", with my roommate and her fiancee sitting here snuggling on the couch, I wouldn't feel a little bit sentimental. But maybe it's good to stop and think about why I've been a little down lately, and to think about the blessings that I DO have. Like working on Children's two days in a row. I love those kids, crazy as they are. No pun intended. haha.....and I really love my family a lot, and even if I'm not there, at least I know they are all there together and that they will be there when I come to visit!

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

I'm Turning Into an Old Lady!!!

2010-11-14T17:23:00.000-07:00

Its official, minus the wrinkles and grey hair (I hope...), I have become an old lady! What did I do, Saturday Night, you ask?? Well, what were YOU doing? Probably going to a party with some friends, or drinking sparkling apple cider, or on a hot date....

But this is what I did....

I learned to do it at work, and I am so excited! HA!

Speaking of, when I was about to be relieved by the new shift at work (yah, relieved, after me and the entire staff on the unit were all sitting there crocheting..for hours...) the new shift comes in, and they were like, "Oh, that color is so nice! I just bought a scane at so-and-so place, where did you get that?" and then this guy who had just come in saw another coworker's work, and said, "Oh, that hot pink and purple complement each other so nicely! Oh I just love it! And oh that color blue is sooo pretty, it looks so good!"

...so weird.

And it all began with THIS little device....you all should get one one day! you can make great little hats out of it!

Anyways thats about it for the day!

A Rainy Day in Provotown

2010-11-08T13:40:00.006-07:00

On this rainy day in Provo (which happened to happen because I washed my car on Saturday), I sit in front of my computer pondering on what to blog about since I haven't blogged for quite some time. My roommate is in our vanity curling her hair and preparing for her dance test, and I am enjoying my day off. Speaking of days off, the best way to start a day, I've concluded, is by watching a horror movie. Then you can laugh about it all day and you won't go to sleep at night dreaming of dead gypsy ladies that vomit flies and worms, repeatedly, directly into your mouth. Not to mention aerosol nose bleeds...

Anyway, I digress. I got into a good discussion with a fellow employee the other day. He served his mission in Hawaii and was talking about the warmth and familial feel of their culture, and gave an example of a time he was stranded, lost, and knocked on a random person's door. This person welcomed him in with open arms and presented him food and water and a ride, and he said that ANY native would have done it. In fact, they would be ashamed not too. We then got to talking about the culture here in Provo, and the feeling of everyone being pitted against each other in one way or another. Take, for example, girls. Girls are already naturally competitive with each other, but put them in an environment where they are all competing not only for attention, but for the most IMPORTANT aspect of our religion and culture--MARRIAGE. What would a girl NOT do to get that man--it goes way beyond hair foofing, skinny jeans, high heels, perfume, and bleached blonde hair. Not to mention huge flowers, "vintage", flat shoes, and tall boots. Girls will manage survival on a few crackers alone, "No thanks I don't eat doughnuts". They go running at 6am eight times a week (I'm not even kidding, I see them all over the side of the road in the morning). They bleach their teeth whiter so when they smile that celestial smile, its a little bit brighter than any other girl.

To get a little bit deeper and to the point that I personally think is very unhealthy (besides eating disorders), girls, with extremely good intentions mind you, will try to be spiritually perfect in every way. Now, I really believe that this isn't a bad thing, especially if their intentions are more than just to catch a man that they think will be impressed (Which, sadly, I think definitely plays into some of it, but I don't think that is the main reason). They feel the need to always be happy, because a righteous person is a happy person. They are afraid to every have a bad day, to ever make a mistake (even though the entire gospel is based on the Atonement of Jesus Christ, which will need to be used regardless-we are never going to make it without it), they look at other women who appear to be perfect and happy and flawless, and then they pit those seeming qualities against themselves, and the downward spiral of self-loathing begins. Since when did the Lord say that we ALWAYS have to be exciting, happy, bubbly, write like a scrapbooker, curl our hair in ringlets every day, take pictures at every activity (including those ones where you twist your mouth sideways and raise your eyebrows--you know what I mean, facebookers), never ever miss a Relief Society function, read our scriptures for an hour a day every day, attend the temple three times a week...you get my drift.

I loved the fireside on Sunday with Elder Ballard. He reminded us to keep the gospel SIMPLE. Simple. That's right. I am perfectly content, exceedingly more content and happy with life, when I remember the basics and stop trying to compete with everyone around me. No, I don't own a pair of skinny jeans. No, I didn't make straight A's at BYU. And Yes, I do know that about 75% of our Relief Society struggles with problems of anxiety and depression--and that is pretty typical of Utah, which has one of the highest rates of documented depression in the United States. Yes, the Gospel is true, and by abiding by its precepts and doctrines you will be happy--but you will be TRULY happy with life if you keep your focus on the simple things, the core of the gospel.
Besides, I don't WANT to be exciting to be accepted, that takes too much work. I want to be boring, librarian-ish, observant, and as a result, more apt to care about others on a deeper level. I'm almost 27, and rebelling against the rebellious years. You don't have to be perfect for me, I like you regardless. Even more-so. And I pray I don't have to be perfect for you. Love me anyways. (and for the record, the only reason I don't have skinny jeans is because I don't want to pay for them...boots, on the other hand..well...)

My Life at the Utah State Hospital...

2010-10-30T18:11:00.001-06:00

On one of many watches....and that is a patient bed. They are bolted to the floor and equipped with holes in the sides to hook restraints to, if needed. Don't worry, they do get a mattress...its basically a dense piece of foam covered in vinyl. They are pretty sturdy, dont worry. :)

Ha! One of the girls painted my fingers....I think she was intending to make them look as crazy as possible....

Sometimes it gets a little bit boring and you have to do whatever necessary to stay awake....haha

And sometimes this just happens!!

Low speed limits for safety, you never know what patients are going to do!

Sometimes we get to go on fun field trips! This was from the Colonial Days thing in downtown Provo. Pretty cool!

I just loved this saying from the minute I saw it. It's liberating to the patients, and really to all of us, to realize that we are who we are, and if we can just accept it and rejoice in it, the whole world belongs to us. :)

Well, I don't take many pictures at work, because obviously I can't due to patient privacy...but maybe I'll try to get some more and show ya! (anything legal, that is ha)

To Do in the Next Few Years....

2010-10-28T21:23:00.001-06:00

Alright! To Do:

*Get RN degree

*Get a PhD in Family Studies/Family Therapy

*Become a virtuoso clarinetist--one of those people who, when people listen, they get sucked in and say "oh my gosh..oh my freakin gosh...that was freakin AMAZING!"

*Travel all over the world

*Make a lot of money so I CAN travel all over the world...

*Get a Master's degree...

*Learn Italian

*Learn Spanish

*Um...find my future man and have a family

*Be the most amazing mom ever....not comparatively, just, most amazing to my husband and kids and to the Lord

*Build a wonderful family life

*Be healthy, eat lots of vegetables and fruits and whole grains and salmon..yum

*save up to move home to California in April

*Keep up with all of my family members and their lives and be a good influence and a good sister and a good cousin and a good niece and good granddaughter and good daughter.....

*Get a motorcycle license

*Get a new car

*Always be reading a good book

Sometimes I wonder how I am going to get all this done in the next few years.....

Life is so short, so very short, and I think sometimes about all the things I want to DO with my life, and it gets a little bit overwhelming, because I have all these desires, and while I am alive and here living, I want to experience so many things, learn everything there is to learn, and then when I am trying to learn something and it doesn't come quickly, I get discouraged--either that, or I get mediocre at that one thing I'm trying to learn, and then move on to something else instead of cultivating that one thing. Do you ever do that? And then I get impatient, thinking, Well, I have so much I want to do, I need to move on to the next thing! What has happened to my stick-to-it-ness, like I had in my youth? I used to spend all my time cultivating talents, learning, doing homework, etc., and then when I become an adult, I realize how imbalanced my life was as a child, and I try to do lots MORE things......and yet, I lack that characteristic that enabled me to break things down more and more and focus and develop, and then develop more in that one groove of life, and enjoy the depth and breadth of that particular groove.

I mean, think about it. I graduated TWO years ago. TWO! And what have I done since? Well.....lets see..I worked as a custodian...I dated one guy....wait, one and a half.....I worked as a waitress.....I DID take the GRE at least.....Where did time go? And when I start raising a family, will I even have the time to keep on learning and experiencing life?

Oh my gosh...maybe I've hit the wild years of my life! I'm a self-centered, non-committal, young single adult who is sowing my wild oats!!! GASPPP!!!!! AND LIFE WILL END IF I HAVE A FAMILY!!!! (just kidding....? sort of?? oh NO!!!) Maybe I'm scared of that! Maybe, just maybe, I have this awful deep-down idea that having a family will suck my very life away...and that I will become boring and dull and always stuck in a rut and get frumpy and grumpy and my husband will just despise me after ten years.......OH NOOO!!!

Do you ever feel like that? Maybe I just have my priorities out of whack....lol

Just a thought for the day :)

Music and Hauntings....

2010-10-25T18:54:00.001-06:00

Well, more like I GOT MY CLARINET AND IM SO EXCITED!!!!...and we had our Ward Halloween Party, which was surprisingly really, really fun, very well planned, and everyone that came had a very creative costume! I'm not even exaggerating.

Thats me on the left...that wig is ridiculous (and four bucks from Savers) but just try to guess what I am...and then there's Kleresa in the middle (her mom made that flapper costume...it was really, really cute! She looks gorgeous!) and Shantel on the right in the red skirt. (Can you guess who they are??)

(caution...some graphic images below!)

(somehow this doesn't surprise me coming from Brett..ha)

It was supposed to be a "date" activity, which I think was a great idea, because we all had our costumes in pairs. There was little bo beep and her sheep, Sid from Toy Story and a mangled toy, two teddy bears, a pair of angels, two crayons of different colors, two hippies with home made tye-died outfits from head to foot, an "anti-prohibitionist" and his girl...I could go on! It was amazing. In order to choose a date, we did not do the traditional "will you go to the dance with me" thing, oh no. The guys put a tie in a giant bucket, and the Activities Committee went around with the bucket and had the girls pick an anonymous tie. And that was the young man we paired up with. Creative!

The party turned into a huge dance, and we were all squished into the corner of the room dancing our little hearts out. I wished my date enjoyed dancing, but he didn't, and so he just sat on the couch with another guy who didn't like dancing while a bunch of people stood up and played. I felt kind of bad for leaving him there, sorry Jordan.....I think he was happy to go when I said I had to get up early...

We created graham-cracker houses with neon frosting and candy and graham crackers, we colored spooky-ish halloween pictures, and ate some delicious food...shhh dont tell Carriage Cove.....

Anyway, I hope you all are having a great Halloween and enjoying all the fun. :) May you rest in peace tonight...

Fall Colors!

2010-10-21T21:00:00.001-06:00

I went on a bikeride through the Provo River Trail today....Sorry Dallen don't kill me...ha...but anyways, here you go! I wish I would have gone about 3 weeks earlier when the colors were brighter, but they are still gorgeous! Enjoy! (PS these are totally not tampered with, just straight from the camera!)

I'm going to miss this about Provo! :)